Maybe We're Not Breaking Down; Maybe We're Just Waking Up

Lately, I've been having this newfound realisation.

Why is it that so many of the women I see starting things - whether it's coaching businesses, self-improvement pages, founding women empowerment community circles, podcasts - all are around the same age group?

40s. Early 50s. More or less the age where… well, perimenopause and menopause starts creeping in.

And honestly, I can't help but wonder: Are we doing all this because we're losing ourselves… or are we actually trying to find ourselves back?

Unexpected Crying Bouts That Just Hit You

Here's the unfiltered version.

At some points of the day, I cry, untriggered, for no clear reason.

I feel like I can't breathe properly. I feel overwhelmed out of nowhere. I overthink. I scroll through social media and suddenly feel like I've done nothing meaningful with my life, despite everything I've actually done.

Then I snap back into work mode, hit deadlines, reply to WhatsApp messages, and plan the next thing - reviewing social media posting captions, fixing a presentation deck, drafting new blog posts, whatever.

The Hormones Are Real, But So Is the Existential Earthquake

Yes, science says this is the season where oestrogen and progesterone go on a rollercoaster ride. That alone can mess with your mood, your sleep, your thoughts, even your memory.

But it's not just biology. It's identity.

It's like someone suddenly hit the pause button on life and asked:

"Eh, who are you, really?"

"What do you still want?"

"Have you been living life the way you wanted to, or just following the script?"

And wow, that's a hard pill to swallow when you realise you've been running on autopilot for years.

So What Do We Do?

We start something. Anything.

A podcast.

A side hustle.

A journaling habit.

A health journey.

A new hairstyle.

A blog post that sounds like this.

Not because we're lost.

But because we're trying to make sense of the new version of us that's starting to emerge.

It's not always graceful.

It's not always empowering.

Sometimes it's just crying in the dark bedroom after putting the kids to sleep, and Googling "is this a midlife crisis or am I just dramatic?"

Maybe It's Not a Breakdown. Maybe It's a Reboot.

No one talks about this enough.

This could be the stage where you're shedding who you used to be and slowly figuring out who you're becoming.

It can be confusing; but I gotta agree that it's also kind of magical.

And if you're feeling like this too - like something inside you is unravelling quietly even as the world sees you "having it all together"...

...just know you're not alone.

You're not weak. You're not unstable.

You're evolving.

We all are.

And Maybe This Is the Most Honest Thing I've Written in Awhile

So here's to the women who are tired and brave at the same time.

To the women crying quietly and still showing up.

To the women shedding old skins, not because they want to, but because they have to.

Here's to us. Midlife women. Not broken. Just breaking through.

Before I end, here are two songs I've had on repeat - gentle companions to this season of unravelling and rediscovering.

My Way (KATSEYE)

A soft reminder that even when the path feels shaky, you're still walking it your way; one brave, messy, beautiful step at a time.

In Another World (EJAE)

For the version of you you're still becoming. The one who's slowly surfacing through the tears, the chaos, and the quiet rebuild.

Thanks for reading and for holding space with me.

If you're in this season too, know that I see you.

And remember:

You're not "too emotional." You're not "too late." You're right on time for your next chapter. 🔥

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Lessons from a 12-Year-Old (A Belated Birthday Post)

This post is a little late. But in my defence, so is my sense of time these days. Between school holidays, work deadlines, and the hormonal plot twists of perimenopause, the months just fly by without me realising it soon enough.

In August, we celebrated out eldest turning twelve with two celebrations: 1) Gordon Ramsay Street Pizza (with a bunch of his classmates, all 12yo tweens), and 2) #M.O.T.D Café, Bar & Dining (just four of us - calmer, low profile, and slightly more grown-up).

And somewhere in between meals and those loud and quiet moments, I realised my 12yo tween could be my accidental life coach; and that motherhood in midlife (OMG!) comes with its own lessons in balance, patience, and humour (I truly hope so).

Lesson 1: "Feedback sometimes come with extra cheese"

At Gordon Ramsay Street Pizza, we ordered about seven different types of pizzas. At one point, he took one bite of his favourite pepperoni pizza (not the one in the photo above) and said, "Not bad… but nothing too special also."

Direct. Precise. No sugar-coating. But the whole pizza was gone within minutes.

Key takeaway

Deliver feedback like pizza. Honest, but with enough warmth to make people want another round (hormones permitting).

Lesson 2: "Confidence is ordering dessert without looking at the menu"

At M.O.T.D., he didn't even glance at the list of desserts. He just said, "I want the chocolate one." Meanwhile, I was still calculating sugar levels, calorie surplus, and whether my metabolism had bail on me for the evening.

Key takeaway

Maybe sometimes clarity isn't about overthinking options; it's about knowing what you enjoy and owning it.

And maybe that's what perimenopause is teaching me too; to care less about what I should be doing and more about what actually feels right.

Lesson 3: "Growing up is learning when to roll your eyes… and when to hug instead"

He's at that age where my incessant reminders are "naggy." Yet somehow, he still leans in for a side-hug sometimes.

Key takeaway

Emotional intelligence isn't about being serious all the time; it's about knowing which moments matter enough to show up for.

Bonus Lesson: "Belated posts are still valid"

Time flies. And sometimes, catching up on memories counts more than keeping up with timelines. Cheers!

Key takeaway

Midlife isn't about being on schedule; it's about embracing the beautifully delayed.

Rosemance

And finally, I just want to leave this post with a little something beautiful - a mocktail called Rosemance, a delicate blend of cranberry juice, raspberry, lemon juice, rosewater, egg white, and rose syrup.

Pretty, soft, and just the right note to end a day that reminded me how sweet life still is; even in its changing seasons.

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When You Write About What You Eat (LinkedIn-Style): A Korean BBQ "Case Study"

It started as a simple lunch plan with my son.

No grand expectations, no camera angles in mind. We were just here for delicious grilled meat and the familiar "chaos" of Korean BBQ.

Halfway through the meal, as I observed the different types of marinated pork and banchan lined up like 'overachievers on a performance review', I caught myself thinking.

Instead of the usual food review post, what if I wrote a LinkedIn-style blog post about my Korean BBQ experience? You know the kind - the ones where someone orders coffee and ends up learning a lesson about gratitude or whatever.

So, here's my first, humble attempt to turn lunch into a professional development session (minus the HR-approved hashtags). Hahaha!

The Grill = Project Timeline

At first, everything looks manageable. Then the pork, mushrooms, kimchi, beansprouts all demand your attention at once. Someone turns the heat up too high (let's say, a stakeholder), and before you know it, things are burning while you're trying to save the enoki mushrooms from extinction.

Banchan = Unsung Team Players

Tiny bowls. Big flavour profile. Come to think of it, without these gorgeous banchan, Korean BBQ is just incomplete.

I honestly think the banchan are the operations team members of any good Korean BBQ meal; the ones ensuring balance, variety, and that occasional palate-cleansing surprise (hello, potato salad).

Octopus = Agility

And then came the marinated octopus - fiery, unpredictable, and sticks to your teeth. Much like that urgent ad-hoc project with a vague brief, unrealistic timeline, and 12 people panicking in different directions.

The Final Wrap-Up (Literally)

By the time you wrap your last bite in perilla leaf with grilled pork, kimchi, enoki, sauce, and a hint of chaos - it finally hits you: personal life and work life aren't all that different.

A little messy. Occasionally spicy. Always a work in progress.

Some days you over-grill, some days you under-season, but somehow, it still satisfies.

And maybe that's why I love Korean BBQ — it teaches balance, patience, and the occasional value of burnt edges.

Then again, if you've ever grilled meat and reflected on stakeholder management in the same breath, congratulations! I believe you're officially ready to post this on LinkedIn. 😉

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Six Firsts That Made My Jakarta Trip Memorable

Jakarta wasn't meant to be a holiday. It was a typical work trip, but between the busy moments, I found myself collecting "firsts" - small, unplanned ordinary things that made this trip a little more memorable than I expected.

1. First TransNusa Flight

This was my first time flying with TransNusa. It had always been AirAsia or Batik Air, for example, during my trips to Guilin, Seoul & Macau, Taipei, and Phuket.

There's always something about boarding a new airline that makes even a routine flight feel a little special.

2. Meeting the Ondel-Ondel

At first, I thought they were part of the hotel décor: two towering, colourful figures with painted faces, one red and one white. Then I spotted them again at the airport. Curiosity got the better of me, and a quick search told me they were Ondel-Ondel, Jakarta's iconic Betawi symbol that represents protection and good fortune.

The red-faced man symbolises courage, while the white-faced woman symbolises calm. Together, they bring harmony and protection wherever they appear. Traditionally paraded through the streets to ward off bad spirits, they now stand proudly as reminders of the city's heritage.

It's strange how something I almost walked past turned out to be one of the most meaningful sights of the trip.

3. Indomaret Pop Mie Adventure

I think convenience stores like Indomaret in Jakarta is like Speedmart and KK Mart in Malaysia. I first came across the Pop Mie cup noodles brand on the TransNusa flight.

So when when I saw rows of Pop Mie of different flavours at Indomaret, I just had to buy all of them. I laughed at myself for travelling all the way to Jakarta to buy cup noodles… and then decided it was exactly what I needed.

4. Discovering Nasi Tutug Oncom

I tried Nasi Tutug Oncom for the first time. It's a humble Sundanese dish described as mixed rice with oncom fermented beans, wrapped in banana leaves, and served with assorted salted fish, dry fried chicken, tofu, tempeh, basil leaves, and raw vegetables, and special chili paste or sambal. 

It was simple, honest food - the kind that doesn't try too hard, but leaves you thinking about it hours later.

5. My First Negroni

The first time I heard of Negroni was when I watched "Drink Masters" on Netflix. I Googled, and AI Overview explained: "A Negroni is a classic Italian cocktail made with equal parts gin, sweet vermouth, and Campari, garnished with an orange slice or peel. It's typically stirred with ice, strained into a rocks glass with a large ice cube, and served as an apéritif due to its strong, bitter, sweet, and herbal flavour profile."

But, being a non-drinker, I've never tried one. At the hotel bar, I finally did. One sip and I understood the reputation: bitter, bold, aromatic, unapologetically grown-up. It wasn't a "relax by the pool" drink; it was more of a "pause and take it in" kind of drink.

6. Visiting Jakarta Cathedral

The Jakarta Cathedral is located right across from Istiqlal Mosque. Two places of worship standing side by side. Two buildings connected by Terowong Silaturahim.

It was beautiful - architecturally and symbolically. After days of rushing between work and rest, it was the kind of stillness that gently stays with you.

Closing Thoughts

None of these "firsts" were bucket-list material. And maybe that's exactly what made them special. Ironically, they weren't planned (which says a lot, coming from someone who usually over-plans every trip abroad).

They weren't glamorous either. Just small, human, real.

I guess, travel isn't always about how far you go or how much you see.

It's about noticing—really noticing—the little, unplanned things that quietly turn any trip into a story worth remembering. Maybe that's what matters most.

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Finding Myself Again: Navigating Perimenopause with Awareness and Grace

In recognition of World Menopause Day (18 October)

Lately, I haven't quite felt like myself. My thoughts scatter, my patience wears thin, and my once-sharp focus seems to dissolve mid-sentence. My menstrual cycle has become unpredictable — sometimes 15 days, sometimes 41. My physical symptoms are mild, but my mind feels foggy and restless.

If any of this sounds familiar, you might, like me, be experiencing perimenopause — a transitional phase that many women go through but rarely talk about openly.

🌸 Perimenopause vs. Menopause

Menopause is officially defined as the point when a woman has gone 12 consecutive months without menstruation, typically between ages 40 and 58 (the average being 51).

Perimenopause, on the other hand, is the lead-up to menopause — a period that can last 4 to 8 years. During this time, your body gradually produces less oestrogen, causing hormonal fluctuations that affect not only your cycle, but also your mood, energy, and sense of self. Symptoms can be subtle and easily misattributed to stress, exhaustion, or "just getting older."

Common changes include:

• Irregular periods: Shorter or longer cycles, lighter or heavier bleeding.
• Mood and cognition changes: Irritability, anxiety, "menopause brain" (forgetfulness, poor focus).
• Sleep or energy issues: Waking early, fatigue, mental fog.
• Low libido or emotional disconnection: From hormonal dips and stress interplay.

Even if Mirena (IUD) prevents heavy bleeding, it doesn't stop systemic hormonal shifts.

💡 Understanding What's Happening

Perimenopause isn't simply a drop in hormones; it's a holistic life transition. Many women juggle increased responsibilities - raising children, supporting ageing parents, leading at work; all while navigating internal changes.

Recognising and validating what you feel is powerful. You're not being "moody" or "crazy" or "bitchy". You're experiencing a real biological shift, and it deserves care and understanding.

🩺 My Personal Checklist Before I See a Gynaecologist

When I decided to consult a gynaecologist, I wanted to go in informed; not just to be told I "might need hormone therapy."

Here's a checklist I created for myself that you might find useful too:

✍️ What to Track Before Your Appointment

Try to track for at least 2 to 3 weeks before your visit:

• Cycle changes: Date, duration, and flow (spotting, light, heavy, skipped).
• Mood changes: Irritability, anxiety, low motivation, crying spells.
• Cognitive shifts: Brain fog, forgetfulness, difficulty focusing, mental fatigue.
• Sleep patterns: Trouble falling asleep or having insufficient quality sleep.
• Physical symptoms: Hot flushes, night sweats, bloating, joint pain, headaches.
• Emotional triggers: Note when symptoms worsen (stress, caffeine, lack of sleep, certain foods).

🔬 Tests to Request

Ask for these baseline tests (if you haven't done them recently):

• FSH, LH, Oestradiol (E2)
• Progesterone (depending on cycle stage)
• Thyroid panel (TSH, Free T3, Free T4)
• Vitamin D and B12
• Ferritin (iron storage)
• Lipid profile & fasting glucose (for overall metabolic health)

Do bring past blood test results if you have any, to help the doctor compare trends. These tests can help rule out thyroid disorders, anaemia, or nutritional causes of fatigue and irritability, which can mimic perimenopause symptoms.

💬 Questions to Ask Your Gynae

1. Based on my symptoms and blood work, does this look like perimenopause?
2. Could my Mirena (IUD) be affecting my symptoms?
3. What are non-hormonal ways to manage mood, sleep, and brain fog?
4. If hormone therapy (MHT/HRT) is recommended, which type (oral, patch, gel) would be safest for me, and what are the side effects?
5. Should I also check bone density or cholesterol as part of midlife screening?

🌿 Suggested Self-Care Plan

1. Eat protein and omega-3s; reduce sugar, caffeine, and alcohol.
2. Do resistance training 2–3× weekly and gentle movement (yoga, pilates).
3. Maintain consistent bedtime; try magnesium glycinate before sleep.
4. Journal or practise mindfulness to manage triggers and mood shifts.
5. Seek therapy for emotional balance and self-compassion.

💗 Gentle Reminders

This isn't a decline — it's a recalibration.

Perimenopause invites us to slow down, tune in, and treat our bodies with kindness rather than frustration.

Don't just cope.

Thrive.

📅 Mark the Date: World Menopause Day (18 October)

Let this day be more than awareness. Let it be an invitation to talk, to normalise, and to support each other through this season of change.

🩸 Disclaimer:

This post is written for informational purposes only and is not intended for self-diagnosis. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional for personalised medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

 

✍️ Sources

• World Menopause Day 2025
• Boldly Facing The 'M' 2025 Panel 1: Your Body & Mind During Menopause
• Menopause (WHO)
• The Menopause Transition (perimenopause): What is It?
• Menopause Topics: Perimenopause

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Pink or Black? Finding Meaning in Everyday Choices

PUMA Speedcat Suede Ballet Shoes

I recently bought myself a pair of PUMA Speedcat Suede Ballet Shoes in black and pink. Who knew I'd end up debating between two pairs of socks — pink or black — to go with them? Now, if you're wondering why on earth I'd wear socks with my flats, well... it's a bit of a fashion statement — and also, they're slightly too big, so socks it is!

Two Pairs, Two Perspectives

So, here's the big question: Pink or Black?

With pink socks, the look felt soft, graceful, and feminine. The pink tone of the socks kind of matched the pink bands on the flats, making the whole outlook more light-hearted and cheerful.

With black socks, though, the mood shifted. The combination felt sleek and grounded, letting the black elements of the flats take the lead. The whole outlook was more understated, a little less cheerful, and a little more grown-up.

And as I looked down at my feet, a realisation just struck me:

In life, there's rarely a single right or wrong — just different ways of seeing.

Both combinations were beautiful, just in their own ways. The pink socks brought out a playful side, while the black socks revealed something more refined. Isn't that how perspectives work too? We often look at a situation and assume there's one right choice, one better path, one correct answer — when in reality, every angle simply tells a different story.

What matters most is alignment — choosing what feels right for who we are and where we are. Some days, we need the softness of pink; on others, the strength of black. And both can coexist without contradiction.

So here's a small reminder from a quiet morning moment:

Sometimes the most ordinary choices — even something as simple as a pair of socks — can remind us that beauty lies not in perfection, but in perspective. 🌷

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Sipping My Way Through Club Med Phuket

 

I’m not the type to fill my holiday schedule with activities. Just give me a quiet spot, a good view, and something nice to sip on. That's my ultimate definition of bliss.

At Club Med Phuket, that's exactly how my days unfolded. While others were doing archery or some form of sports, I was busy curating my own "itinerary": a menu of drinks, each paired with a different feeling of the day and a different shade of the sea, so to speak.

☀️ Mornings always began with coffee.

There's something about starting the day with coffee that feels grounding. That first sip with sunlight reflecting off the pool. That quiet pause before the day properly began.

Morning calm: Coffee + light salad + Phuket sunshine. The ritual that grounded the day.

Coffee + sea + blue sky = three shades of calm. The kind of moment I refused to rush or be rushed.

Mid-morning refuel with a glass of creamy, nutty smoothie; paired with a toasted light bite.

🌿 Afternoons called for something cooler.

Usually some kind iced concoctions. These afternoon drinks became tiny celebrations of slowing down while I hid in the shade. Each sip was a testament that holidays don't need to be rushed.

Post-lunch at the lounge near the main bar, I settled in with this bright, citrusy cocktail that tasted like bottled sunshine. I'm pretty sure it was mango.

Excuse me while I sipped on a pineapple-topped frozen delight, relishing my unapologetically holiday mood in the lounge corner.

The pink cocktail was gentle and vodka-soft, the other bold with apple and ginger. Together, they turned a simple afternoon into a double dose of calm at the Zen Pool.

🌅 Evenings were for cocktails.

Mojito, espresso martini, something citrusy, something sweet. Each one felt like a little chapter — light, fizzy, soothing, or bold — depending on the mood.

It was more than a cocktail. It was a glass as blue as the pool, glowing quietly against the skyline as the day gave way to night.

More cocktails in the early evening by the pool, when the sky still has hints of blue, and the night hasn't quite begun.

A crisp cocktail with a leafy crown, perfect for slowing down as the day fades.

There's something about an Espresso Martini at night. It's strong and unapologetic, like a bold jolt that carries you into the late hours.

And somewhere between the first sip and the last, I realised I didn't miss the activities. I didn't need to tick boxes or keep up with a schedule. The simplicity of it became its own kind of ritual, a way of noticing the small pleasures that often get lost when we're too busy "doing."

Maybe that's the real luxury of a place like Club Med. It doesn't pressure you to do everything. It gives you the space to choose your own version of holiday happiness, even if that means spending everyday measuring your days in cups and glasses.

Because sometimes the best souvenirs aren't activities ticked off a list, but the little rituals you bring home with you. And mine? The freedom of doing almost nothing, but still come home with memories worth keeping.

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