October is Menopause Awareness Month
For generations, women went through menopause and the years leading up to it, pretty quietly. In this October, which is also the Month of Menopause Awareness, I've been thinking a lot about why that silence existed for so long and why I don't think we need to continue it.
For a very long time, older women's health wasn't something people talked about openly. Partly because menopause is considered a natural stage of life, so the expectation basically goes like this: "Every woman goes through it, so just tahan only lah."
And partly, I think, because nobody wanted to be judged. But unfortunately, some of that judgement comes from other women too. The most common one that I always hear is this: "Our mothers and grandmothers went through menopause too. They didn't make such a big fuss about it."
This is where I respectfully disagree.
What Our Mothers Didn't Say
Just because previous generations went through something silently doesn't mean they went through it comfortably.
- Maybe they didn't have the words for what they were feeling.
- Maybe nobody told them that the insomnia, anxiety, brain fog, rage, exhaustion, palpitations, changing periods, joint aches or loss of libido could all be connected.
- Maybe they did mention it to their doctors, but their doctors told them it was stress, ageing, motherhood, or simply part of being a woman.
- Or maybe they just got on with life because what other choice did they have?
To be very frank, I don't see their silence as proof that menopause wasn't challenging. Sometimes silence is just silence.
Yes, It's Natural, I Know
As a Gen X woman going through perimenopause right now, I feel that women of my generation are most likely among the first to talk about this stage of life so openly and publicly.
And to some women from earlier generations, we probably sound like we're making a lot of noise over something completely natural.
But here's the thing: 'natural' doesn't mean easy.
Yes, childbirth, period, and ageing – all these are natural occurrences in a woman's life. But pain is still pain.
For some women, perimenopause is fairly manageable. For others, the symptoms can be bloody unbearable.
On some days, the irritability is ridiculous, sleep can be rubbish, anxiety turns up for no obvious reason, or my mental bandwidth disappears much faster than it used to. And sometimes noise, people and normal everyday stuff are just TOO MUCH.
And when several of these things happen at the same time, being told "it's natural" doesn’t really help.
I know it's natural. But I still need to know what the hell is happening to me.
Talking About It Isn't the Same as Blaming Everything on Hormones
This one is important. Being vocal about perimenopause doesn't mean I want to put every woman in her 40s into a box:
- Bad mood? Hormones.
- Can't sleep? Hormones.
- Forgot something? Hormones.
- Annoyed with your husband? Definitely hormones. 😂
No lah.
There are many reasons someone might feel anxious, tired, foggy or unable to sleep. Some of those symptoms may need proper medical checks because there could be something else going on entirely.
I'm not trying to blame hormones for everything. I just want perimenopause to be part of the context, so we can ask better questions.
- Could this be hormonal?
- Could it be my thyroid?
- Am I low on something?
- Is it stress?
- Could it be something psychological?
- Should I see a doctor?
- Would treatment help?
- What lifestyle changes do I need?
Asking these questions isn't making excuses. It's about being able to make informed decisions and take charge of our health.
Silence Doesn't Make Us Stronger
I have huge respect for the women before us. They raised families, worked, looked after ageing parents and kept households running, all while their bodies were changing, usually with very little information or support.
But respecting their resilience doesn't mean we have to copy their silence.
First, if we know more now, why not talk about it?
Second, if treatments and support exist, why shouldn't women know about them?
Third, if talking about it can save another woman from spending years wondering, "Why am I becoming like this?" then I'd rather talk about it, bravely.
Why I'm Choosing to Be Vocal About It
This is also why being featured on Menopause Asia as an advocate means something to me.
I don't see advocacy as standing on a soapbox telling women what they should think or do. For me, advocacy means:
- Talking openly about what I'm experiencing.
- Sharing what I'm learning.
- Asking questions that perhaps women before us were never encouraged to ask.
- Helping another woman recognise that what she's going through deserves attention rather than dismissal.
I'm still learning myself; I don't have all the answers, and I don't think every midlife symptom should automatically be labelled perimenopause.
But I do think women deserve enough information to recognise when something has changed, enough confidence to ask why, and access to the right support if they need it.
That, to me, is what advocacy looks like.
I'm not talking about perimenopause because I think women are fragile but because women deserve to understand what is happening to their own bodies.
There's no prize for suffering quietly. And silence is something that we don't need to pass down.
