Oral Health Is Part of My Midlife Maintenance Now

By now, I have accepted that perimenopause has opinions about almost every part of my body.

Sleep? Affected.

Mood? Definitely affected.

Metabolism? Don't get me started.

Skin, hair, brain, joints? Apparently everybody gets a turn.

And now, my mouth has joined the conversation. Omg.

A Visit to the Dentist A Few Months Ago

A few months ago, I had an episode that sent me to the dentist. I blogged about it here: Apparently You Can Floss Religiously and STILL End Up at the Dentist 😭

Because of that episode, I discovered something I hadn't really thought about before: oral health can change during perimenopause and menopause.

Research has documented oral-health concerns during perimenopause and menopause, including dry mouth, gum and periodontal problems, oral discomfort and changes in the tissues of the mouth.

Hormonal changes, particularly changes in oestrogen, are thought to play a role, although of course not every dental problem in your 40s can be simply blamed on perimenopause.

This realisation has led me down the rabbit hole of oral probiotics, interdental brushes and toothpaste ingredients.

Welcome to midlife. Hehe.

The Product I Didn't Even Know Existed: Oral Probiotics

During that dental visit, I was given the usual treatment, but my dentist also recommended that I take BioGaia Prodentis for a month.

My first reaction was essentially: Har? There are probiotics for your mouth? Until then, probiotics lived firmly in the yoghurt-and-gut-health section of my brain.

BioGaia Prodentis contains the active strains of Limosilactobacillus reuteri Prodentis (a blend of L. reuteri DSM 17938 and L. reuteri ATCC PTA 5289).

Unlike swallowing a probiotic capsule, it comes as a lozenge that dissolves slowly in the mouth, so the bacteria are delivered directly into the oral cavity. BioGaia specifically developed the combination for oral health and gum support.

I have been taking BioGaia Prodentis for the past four months. And so far, my gums have been behaving themselves. I no longer have the bleeding or soreness I used to notice.

At the same time, I also started using an interdental brush properly.

I Changed My Toothpaste Too

As though oral probiotics weren't already enough of a departure from my old routine, about a month ago I switched toothpaste and started using Boostoral Restore+ n-HA Prebiotics Whitening Toothpaste.

Previously, toothpaste was… toothpaste. Now I read ingredient lists. Haha.

Boostoral caught my attention because its formulation is built around two things I hadn't previously looked for in toothpaste: nano-hydroxyapatite and oral prebiotics. The toothpaste also contains hydrated silica, while other ingredients in the range include things such as xylitol and tea tree extract.

Nano-hydroxyapatite, or n-HA, was particularly interesting. Hydroxyapatite is a mineral that naturally makes up much of tooth enamel. Boostoral uses a nano-sized form designed to interact more closely with the tooth surface and support remineralisation and the formation of a protective mineral layer.

Then there are the oral prebiotics, which are there to support the environment in which beneficial oral bacteria live.

So in a sense, I have somehow arrived at this situation:

Prodentis = probiotics

Boostoral = prebiotics

I have gone from buying whatever toothpaste seemed reasonable to apparently managing an ecosystem inside my mouth. Midlife is wild. Hahaha.

There is another reason Boostoral caught my attention that has absolutely nothing to do with microbiomes.

The branding is ridiculously eye-catching. Their packaging doesn't look like the traditional toothpaste packaging I've been staring at in supermarkets for decades. It looks almost like skincare.

And then there are the flavours. I started with Pink Guava, which sounds much more like something I should be drinking at a beach resort than brushing my teeth with. I've since bought Watermelon and Magic Mint. The one I actually wanted next, Lemonade Burst, is currently out of stock.

Looks like I've also started collecting toothpaste flavours now. I don't know when this became my life either. LOL.

And perhaps that matters more than it sounds. The best oral-care routine is still the one you actually keep doing.

Disclaimer: This is simply my personal experience with the products mentioned, not medical or dental advice. My oral-health routine also changed in several ways at the same time, so I can't attribute the improvements I've noticed to any single product. If you have persistent bleeding, swelling, pain or other changes in your gums or mouth, see a dentist rather than attempting to probiotic your way out of it. 😆

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September Is Perimenopause Awareness Month

What Exactly Is Perimenopause?

If there's one thing I've realised from learning more about this stage of life, it's this: many women enter perimenopause without really knowing what to expect.

We know that menopause is when menstruation stops. This is the simplest explanation.

But perimenopause, the transition phase before menopause, can last up to 8 to 10 years before menopause actually occurs.

During perimenopause, which Dr Mary Claire Haver describes as the Zone of Chaos, hormones such as estrogen, progesterone and testosterone become increasingly unpredictable, and the effects can show up in ways that don't immediately seem hormonal at all: brain fog, anxiety, poor sleep, mood changes, joint aches, palpitations, changes in body composition and many more.

Which is why, so many women in their 40s seem to describe similar experiences:

"Maybe I'm just stressed."

"Maybe I'm just getting old already lah."

"Why don't I feel like myself anymore?"

And then you finally start connecting the dots.

Discovering the Perimenopause Rollercoaster

My Blog Posts

I thought estrogen was just a reproductive hormone. Here's what I learnt about estrogen's role in brain fog, mood, sleep and other perimenopause changes.

Why do anxiety, irritability, and poor sleep feel different in perimenopause? Here's what I learnt about progesterone and feeling less steady in midlife.

Feeling flat, less motivated or low in energy? Here's what I learnt about testosterone in women and how it may affect drive, strength, and midlife.

Aha. No wonder lah!

Perimenopause Deserves More Conversations

Awareness matters because recognising that these changes could be related to perimenopause gives us more context. It helps us ask better questions, seek appropriate support and have more informed conversations about what is happening to our bodies.

If you're wondering whether some of the changes you’ve been experiencing could be related to perimenopause, you can also reach out to Menopause Asia.

It is a digital platform that connects women with independently licensed doctors, reliable information and practical midlife health resources, with the aim of making menopause support easier to access and navigate. Menopause Asia itself is not a healthcare provider; medical consultations are provided independently by licensed healthcare professionals.

Sometimes, knowing what might be happening is already a very useful first step.

So this September, maybe tell another woman what you've learnt too.

Because the more openly we talk about perimenopause, the less likely someone else is to spend years thinking: "What on earth is wrong with me?"

❤️ Share this with a woman who might need her own Aha, No Wonder Lah moment.

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Adding Oil to Everything Is Now Part of My Parenting Strategy

I came home from a dietitian appointment recently with a new parenting strategy:

Add oil to lunch, dinner, and whatever food my child will happily eat.

So apparently, when you're trying to help a child gain weight, sometimes the answer isn't eat more. It's figuring out how to make what they're already eating work a little harder.

I just realised this is one of those parenting things I never thought I'd know need to put into practice.

For the past few months, we've been working with a dietitian to help our youngest kiddo with his growth. He's always been on the smaller side, so we're trying to help him gain weight steadily and, hopefully, support his height growth along the way.

The good news from our latest appointment is that he has gained some weight.

Although not a drastic increase, it was enough for the dietitian to mention that whatever we're doing, keep doing it.

So next, we add oil.

One of the things I've learnt is that helping a child gain weight doesn't necessarily mean piling more food onto his plate.

Because if your child already doesn't eat very much, staring at an even bigger mountain of food isn't exactly going to inspire him.

Instead, we're learning to increase the calorie density of the food he's already eating.

Hence: oil (e.g., olive oil, butter).

And we're also encouraged to add things like fried shallots, fried garlic, and fried ikan bilis to his meals; basically foods that add more oil, protein, and calories without significantly increasing the amount of food he has to finish.

Vegetables require a different strategy.

This is another thing I liked from the dietitian.

Instead of constantly introducing vegetables as a separate 'you must eat this because it's good for you' item, we can introduce them through something he already likes.

He loves tom yum, for example.

So rather than saying, "Here is a new veggie. Eat it." It can be, "Here's your tom yum. There's a nice veggie in it." 😂

He's already started accepting a few vegetables, so the idea now is to keep those consistent while slowly expanding the selection.

Sleep is not for the weak.

This one is probably going to be harder than adding oil.

The dietitian also reminded us that nutrition is only one part of growth; sleep matters too.

So we're now working towards an earlier and more consistent bedtime, which means my child's growth plan involves not only what happens at the dining table, but also what time he needs to be in bed.

Wish me luck!

Small progress is still progress.

I think that's probably my biggest takeaway from these appointments.

When you're watching a child's growth over time, progress doesn't always look dramatic. Sometimes it's simply seeing that the gap on the growth chart has become a little smaller.

And for now, that's enough to make me happy.

We have another few months before the next check-in, so the plan is pretty simple:

• Keep doing what seems to be working.
• Keep making his snacks more substantial.
• Keep introducing food, including veggies, without turning every meal into a battle.
• Get him to bed earlier.
• And of course, add oil to his food.

Wish me luck!

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Where Did My Spark Go?

After learning about the chaotic behaviour of fluctuating estrogen and progesterone during perimenopause, I thought I understood this whole hormone situation.

Then testosterone came along.

Women Have Testosterone Too

What? Seriously? 

Did you know that women have testosterone too? This was probably the first misconception I had to get rid of.

Testosterone is not exclusively a male hormone. Women produce it too, just in smaller amounts.

Source: Instagram | joiedevivrefit

In women, testosterone supports:

• Energy and vitality
• Libido
• Muscle and strength
• Bone health
• Confidence and drive
• Cognitive sharpness
• Skin and hair

Okay wait.

So, estrogen has its hands in almost everything.

Progesterone is involved in calmness and sleep.

And now testosterone is in the picture, deciding whether I still have energy, drive, and motivation.

How many functions are these hormones actually running? 😑

The "I've Lost My Spark" Feeling

Because low testosterone in women can be described less like feeling unwell and more like this vague sense of flatness.

It's not necessarily sadness or depression. Just... "I don't feel like I used to."

Some women describe it as:

"I've lost my spark."

"I feel flat."

"I'm going through the motions."

"I don't recognise myself."

That whole cluster stood out to me because it's such a subtle thing.

There may not be anything dramatically wrong; you're still functioning, going to work, doing what needs to be done, and showing up.

But somewhere along the way, the enthusiasm feels smaller and the drive is less.

The "I can't be bothered" moments become more frequent.

And you may start wondering, "Am I just tired? Lazy? Burnt out? Bored? Getting old? Or is there something else going on too?"

Then There Is the Energy Problem

This one is interesting, because "tired" can mean so many things.

There's sleepy tired, physically exhausted tired, and mentally overloaded tired.

And then there's this other kind of "tired" where you can technically do something but just don't feel like it.

Because the motivation, enthusiasm, and that forward momentum are missing.

Now to be fair, sometimes I genuinely cannot be bothered because the thing is annoying and I have reached that stage in life where I no longer want to waste energy pretending otherwise. 😂

But still.

I find it striking that testosterone is also associated with drive and vitality, because those are not usually the things women are taught to connect with hormones.

Strength Training Is a Big Deal

Declining testosterone has been linked to reduced muscle mass, less physical resilience and shifts in body composition. This is probably the most practical takeaway I got from this topic.

Experts put a lot of emphasis on resistance or strength training and suggest two to three sessions a week as an important part of supporting strength and muscle in midlife.

Strength training seems to be the "prescription" for almost everything related to perimenopause, bone health, muscle mass, and metabolism.

Sigh, I suppose this is one of those moments where I can no longer pretend I didn't get the memo.

Looks like I need to stop avoiding strength training. 😑

Excuses Vs Context

Anyway, learning about hormones isn't about finding an excuse.

It's about understanding that sometimes there is more context behind the question, "Why don't I feel like myself anymore?"

Maybe the better questions are, "What has changed?" and "What can I do?"

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Why Don't I Feel As Steady As I Used To?

After learning about estrogen, I thought, okay... at least now I understand a little better why perimenopause can feel so random.

Then there's one more hormone in the picture: progesterone.

Just like estrogen, I associate progesterone with pregnancy or fertility. That's it.

What I didn't realise is that progesterone is closely linked to sleep, anxiety, mood, and that general sense of feeling calm and steady.

And when I learnt that?

Aha. No wonder lah!

Progesterone Is the Underrated Hormone

Estrogen gets a lot of attention when we talk about menopause. And progesterone seems to be the quieter one sitting somewhere at the back.

But I'm beginning to realise this quiet hormone may explain some of the things that bother me the most. Things like:

• Why am I more easily overwhelmed than before?
• Why does anxiety appear when there isn't actually anything specific to be anxious about?
• Why can I be physically tired, but my brain refuses to switch off?
• Why don't I feel as emotionally steady as I used to?

That last one really caught my attention because sometimes it isn't even about being sad, angry or anxious. It's just this feeling of... I used to handle things better.

Let me to explain what that means:

• I begin to realise things that I would previously just let them be; now they suddenly irritate me more.
• Stress seems to use up my mental bandwidth way faster than what I'd like to admit.
• Some days I just have less tolerance for nonsense.

Okay, maybe the last one is also age and experience. 😂

But still.

It made me wonder how much of what we describe as "I've changed" could actually be happening alongside hormonal changes too.

Progesterone Apparently Starts Changing Early

Source: Dr. Mary Clair Haver

This was another thing I didn't know.

I always assumed all our hormones basically started declining together as we approached menopause.

Progesterone is produced after ovulation. But as we move through our late 30s and 40s and ovulation becomes less consistent, progesterone production can also become less consistent.

You may still be having periods, not having hot flushes, or not even be thinking about perimenopause. But hormonally, things may already be changing.

Aha. No wonder lah!

This also made me realise why the beginning of perimenopause can be so confusing.

We tend to look out for the stereotypical menopause symptoms. No hot flush? Still menstruating? Then surely everything is normal, right?

Except the changes may have started much earlier and may show up in completely different ways.

Then There Is the Anxiety

This was actually one of my bigger aha moments.

I recently understood that anxiety can worsen when progesterone declines, while fluctuating estrogen can also contribute to it.

My immediate response was basically: AHA. NO WONDER LAH.

So progesterone is fluctuating; estrogen is going up and down like a rollercoaster.

And my nervous system is somewhere in the middle, going, "Good luck everybody!" 😂

Of course, anxiety has many causes, and I'm not going to blame every anxious moment on hormones.

Work, family, traffic, incompetent people are... well, incompetent people.

But what I find frustrating is the kind of anxiety that sometimes seems to come from nowhere.

Nothing particularly terrible has happened >> You're not consciously worried about anything >> Yet somehow your body feels unsettled >> Your mind is restless >> You're more easily triggered >> And you can't quite explain why

You feel me?

And Then There Is Sleep...

...or the lack of it.

I have recently also been learning about the relationship between progesterone and sleep, particularly that progesterone has calming effects in the brain and is associated with restorative sleep.

Which brings me to another question: How can you be tired and STILL not want to fall sleep easily?

I can be physically exhausted and I know I should sleep.

But somehow my brain thinks 11pm is an excellent time to play brain games. One round, then another round, then another, and one hour passed.

Earlier I joked that perhaps I'm addicted to dopamine.

Maybe not literally, but I have definitely trained my brain to expect entertainment right until bedtime instead of winding down.

So now I'm experimenting. No brain games for about an hour before sleeping.

Brain, please understand that office hours are over. 😭

Having More Context Is Important

When you're more anxious, sleeping badly, easily overwhelmed and not feeling as emotionally steady as before, it is very easy to turn everything inward.

Why am I like this nowadays? Why can't I handle stress like I used to? Why am I so easily irritated? Am I just becoming grumpier as I get older?

To be fair, yes, hormones may not be the explanation for everything.

But for me, learning about perimenopause isn't really about finding a hormone to blame or pigeonholing symptoms. It's about having more context. Because once you understand that something may be changing inside your body, you stop interpreting every change as some kind of personal failing.

The thought then changes from, "What is wrong with me?" TO

"Ahhh... so THAT might be what's going on."

And there it is again.

Aha. No wonder lah!

Next experiment: convincing my brain that bedtime is for sleeping, not achieving a new high score. 😑

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I Thought Estrogen Was Just A Reproductive Hormone

Previously, if someone asked me what estrogen does, I would answer like this: estrogen is a female hormone involved in menstruation, reproduction, and finally menopause.

But recently I started learning about perimenopause, and lo and behold! I just got to know that estrogen has receptors in almost every tissue in the female body and influences hundreds of different functions.

Guess what my immediate reaction is?

Aha. No wonder lah!

Did You Know that Estrogen Is Involved in Almost Everything?

The estrogen receptors are found in the brain, heart, bones, skin, gut, bladder, joints, and blood vessels. Gosh! I now understand why the list of things women experience during perimenopause can seem completely unrelated.

How many of these symptoms do you experience? These are some of the most common ones:

Brain fog, difficulty finding words, sleep problems, anxiety, irritability, joint aches, changes in body composition (belly fat), changes to periods, hot flushes, and night sweats.

When you put it all together, you start thinking, "Wait... are you saying these things can all happen at the same stage of life?"

Take the Menopause Quiz

If you're unsure about what's going on with your body, especially if you don't feel quite right but aren't diagnosed with clinical conditions, try this (peri)menopause quiz/symptom checker from Menopause Asia. It will be insightful.

The Brain Fog

This one caught my attention because it's so annoying. Have you ever experienced the following?

• You are talking halfway through a sentence, and suddenly the word you wanted is just... gone.
• You walk into a room and forget why you went there.
• You read the same paragraph three times and realise that absolutely nothing has registered.
• You know that you know someone's name, but your brain refuses to retrieve it.

And when it starts happening more often, you start to think, "Is there something wrong with me?"

What I didn't realise before is that estrogen also plays a role in brain function, including memory, language, concentration, processing, and mood.

Estrogen supports processes involving acetylcholine, which is important for memory and learning, blood flow to areas of the brain involved in focus and decision-making, synaptic plasticity, and neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine.

So when estrogen fluctuates during perimenopause, that's why some women experience cognitive slowness, difficulty retrieving words, trouble concentrating, or that strange feeling of mental static.

Aha. No wonder lah!

Estrogen Doesn't Just Drop Dramatically During Perimenopause

This was another big aha moment for me. For years, I thought hormones were high when we were younger, then declined as we got older, and finally became very low at menopause. Simple, right?

But... perimenopause doesn't behave quite so politely!

Estrogen does not decline in one nice, smooth line. During perimenopause, estrogen actually fluctuates quite dramatically like a rollercoaster before eventually settling at a lower level after menopause.

Source: LinkedIn

Now this makes the unpredictability of this stage make a little more sense.

• Why do I feel relatively normal one week and quite unlike myself another week?
• Why does something suddenly bother me when it never used to?
• Why can a symptom appear, disappear, and then return?

How Much Have I Been Blaming on "Getting Older"?

This is probably the part that has made me think the most. There are so many little changes that are incredibly easy to dismiss once you reach your 40s. You basically just lump everything into the "getting older lah" bucket.

• Tired more easily? Must be because old already lah.
• Brain fog? I just have too many things to remember lah.
• Stubborn belly fat? Metabolism slows down liao lah.
• Easily triggered, irritable? Stress from work, driving, incompetent people...
• Can't fall asleep fast enough? I play too much phone before sleep lah.

Perhaps sometimes those explanations may absolutely be part of it. But learning more about estrogen has made me a little less willing to automatically throw everything into the "I'm getting older" bucket.

The Biggest Shift for Me

I'm not trying to explain every little thing that happens to me with hormones, and I'm definitely not suggesting that every ache, forgotten word, bad night's sleep or bad mood is only caused by estrogen.

But I'm starting to understand that midlife isn't always as simple as "you're getting older".

The more I learn about perimenopause and estrogen, the more I feel reassured because understanding why something might be happening makes it feel a little less random.

I have a feeling there will be another Aha. No wonder lah! coming very soon. 😅

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Turning 13 Requires Two Birthday Meals!

My Eldest Son Turns 13

I am truly resisting the temptation to turn this into one of those deeply reflective posts about how quickly children grow up, how the years have flown by, and how I suddenly have a teenager in the house. Hahaha.

For now, I just want to say... turning 13 requires two birthday meals!

Early Birthday Dinner at Hoshiki Japanese Izakaya

We started celebrating with an early birthday dinner with the family at Hoshiki Japanese Izakaya restaurant at Pearl Shopping Gallery, Old Klang Road.

I quite like the plan of stretching birthdays out over a few days anyway. It takes away the pressure of having to squeeze everything into one supposedly perfect celebration on the exact date.

Dinner can be dinner, cake can be cake, and no one has to rush. And this cake here is a Vanilla Blueberry Cake from Butter Olive Pastry House at BK5A Bandar Kinrara, Puchong.

Actual Birthday Lunch at Torte by Linda

We have eaten at Torte by Linda before, so going back there again for a birthday meal is very much part of the plan. Torte by Linda serves Russian and Eastern European food, which is still not the sort of cuisine we eat very often in KL.

I'm a big fan of celebrating a birthday meal at just somewhere you already know you enjoy and not necessarily somewhere new. See what we ordered from the menu during this birthday lunch.

Of course, there was cake too because regardless of how many birthday meals you have already had, the actual birthday still needs cake, even if it's just one slice.

So now we have a teenager!

Happy 13th Birthday, Luke. ❤️

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Why Do I Love Structures and Think in Systems

Flexibility doesn't mean zero planning.

Over the years, I have occasionally described myself as a control freak at work, not in the sense that I need to make every decision or dictate every detail, but because I have always felt uncomfortable when people begin executing a piece of work without first agreeing on a clear plan.

If there is one thing that consistently raises my stress level, it is ambiguity.

We often hear that good leaders should be flexible, adaptable, and willing to change course when circumstances require it.

However, I disagree that flexibility means zero planning. Structure matters a lot to me.

Therefore, I believe I am not reacting to a change of plans but rather to uncertainty that could have been reduced through proper or structured planning.

Am I planning for too much?

Whenever I delegate work or work with a team, I naturally gravitate towards a structure: defining the objective, the scope, the timeline, and what the outcome should look like before we begin.

I like knowing who is responsible for which part of the work, what decisions still need to be made, what assumptions we are making at the start, and when the deadlines are.

I have occasionally wondered whether that makes me difficult to work with.

From my observation, there are people who seem perfectly comfortable beginning with only a broad objective. They start doing, observe what happens, and refine the work along the way. Sometimes they produce excellent results despite having no detailed plan at the beginning.

I have always admired that ability because it is so different from the way my own mind works.

If someone gives me an objective that feels abstract to my understanding, my first instinct is not to accept it.

My first instinct is to ask structured questions:

Who are the decision-makers? What exactly are we trying to achieve? What are the expected outcomes? What constraints are we working with? What is our approach if issues arise?

To me, those questions are not obstacles to getting work done. They are part of the work.

Isn't structure necessary?

One misconception about people who enjoy planning is that we dislike change. That has never been true for me.

In my line of work, Google updates its algorithms, clients change priorities, budgets get revised, top management changes, and campaigns that looked promising last FY may no longer be relevant today.

I have no problem changing direction when new information becomes available; what unsettles me the most is changing direction when the direction was ambiguous in the first place.

There is a difference between adapting because circumstances have changed versus improvising because no one thought through the approach before starting.

The first is flexibility; the second is often avoidable confusion.

To be fair, being structured isn't about predicting everything.

One of the lessons I have gradually learned is that planning and certainty are not the same thing.

A good plan does not guarantee success, nor does it prevent unexpected events from happening. The purpose of structured planning, at least from my perspective, is to reduce the amount of unnecessary uncertainty.

When a team has already agreed on the objective, the scope, the assumptions, and the expected outcome, everyone has a common reference point. If something changes halfway through, the discussion becomes much easier because people understand what is changing and why.

Without that shared understanding, every adjustment feels like starting the conversation from the beginning.

Perhaps that is why I have always felt more comfortable investing time in planning than spending even more time correcting avoidable misunderstandings later.

Some people think before they act. Others think by acting.

Recently, I started wondering whether this is simply a difference in how people process information.

Some people, like me, organise our thoughts internally before taking action. We ask questions, identify risks, build a mental framework, and only then begin executing.

Others seem to discover the solution through the act of doing. They are comfortable taking the first step without knowing every subsequent step because they trust themselves to adjust along the way.

I guess neither approach is inherently right or wrong; perhaps both approaches are necessary.

If everyone gravitates towards structures and systems the way I do, projects might become over-analysed before anything ever gets started.

If everyone prefers to figure things out as they went, there might not be enough structure to keep larger projects consistent.

Perhaps the real challenge is not deciding which style is better, but recognising that different people reduce uncertainty in different ways.

Maybe this is why I don't understand "just wing it".

For years, I interpreted phrases such as "We'll figure it out" or "Let's just start first" as a lack of preparation.

I am beginning to wonder whether that was an unfair assumption.

Perhaps some people genuinely think more clearly once they begin moving.

Just as I need structure before I can act confidently, they may need action before they can see the structure.

Understanding that has helped me become more patient with people whose working style differs from mine.

At the same time, it has also helped me understand myself better.

I don't think I need control for the sake of control. I think I simply find comfort in reducing ambiguity wherever possible.

A plan, to me, has never been a rigid document that predicts the outcome.

A plan is a shared understanding of what we are trying to achieve, why we are approaching it that way, and how we will recognise whether we have succeeded.

The plan may change tomorrow. In fact, it probably will. But I would still rather begin with one than begin with none.

Perhaps that doesn't make me a control freak after all. 

Perhaps it simply means I think in systems.

Here's a deeper, work-related reflection on my LinkedIn page.

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Why The Thursday Murder Club Made Ageing Look So Interesting

Image source: Wikipedia

I watched The Thursday Murder Club on Netflix the other night. It was star-studded – Helen Mirren, Ben Kingsley, Pierce Brosnan, Celia Imrie, David Tennant, and Tom Ellis, to name a few.

It was entertaining too; there were murders to be solved, plenty of amateur sleuthing, a retirement village full of personalities, and a group of older people who were far more capable than anyone around them initially assumed.

The biggest entertaining gem for me was how the movie portrayed ageing. Because it neither portrayed ageing merely as inevitable physical decline nor disguised ageing with inspirational messages about "staying young and not looking your age".

Instead, The Thursday Murder Club showed something I think we do not see often enough on screen: people who have aged, accumulated experience, lost things, lived through things, and are still curious about the world.

Retirement Does Not Mean You Stop Being Useful

The Thursday Murder Club consists of four retirees who spend their Thursdays looking into unsolved crimes. Joyce is a retired nurse. Elizabeth is a former intelligence operative. Ron was a trade union activist. Ibrahim is a psychiatrist.

Elizabeth understands strategy and how people behave when they are hiding something. Ibrahim understands psychology. Ron knows how to confront people and mobilise others. Joyce understands people in a quieter way. She observes, listens and often gets information precisely because people do not see her as threatening.

Their careers may have ended, but their knowledge did not disappear. I really liked that.

We tend to associate usefulness with employment. Once someone retires, there is almost an assumption that the productive part of life has ended and the remaining years are mainly about leisure, healthcare and grandchildren.

But a person who has spent forty years practising medicine, teaching children, running businesses, solving problems, caring for patients, raising families or managing difficult people does not suddenly lose all that knowledge because they no longer have a job title.

Experience does not expire at retirement.

The Characters Are Old, and That Is the Point

Another thing I appreciated was that the movie did not try to make ageing look youthful. The characters are older, and the story allows them to be older.

They talked about health concerns, grief, illness, and how time is no longer unlimited. But none of those things cancel out curiosity, humour, intelligence or purpose.

There is a common way of praising older people that sounds something like, "She is 75 but still behaves like she is 40!" It sounds complimentary, but underneath it is the assumption that being younger is still the ideal.

The Thursday Murder Club offers a much more interesting possibility:

What if seventy years of living actually makes someone more interesting?

Ageing and becoming less relevant are not the same thing.

Joyce Was Probably My Favourite

I also have to mention Joyce, and not only because we share the same name. Hahaha!

When she first joins the group, she seems like the least intimidating member of the club. She is docile, friendly, and very ordinary when compared to Elizabeth, who appears capable of organising an international espionage operation before breakfast.

But Joyce has her own kind of intelligence. As a former nurse, she understands people. She notices small things, she listens, and because she does not immediately look like the smartest or most dangerous person in the room, people underestimate her.

That actually becomes an advantage.

You know what? There is something very satisfying about watching a character whose strength comes not from being loud, dominant or obviously brilliant, but from decades of paying attention to human beings.

Perhaps This Is What Interested Me Most

Perhaps the most obvious reason for why I immensely enjoyed this movie is that I have become increasingly interested in what happens as we move through midlife and eventually into older age.

There is so much conversation about ageing from a medical perspective. We talk about disease prevention, physical decline, healthcare costs, retirement planning and longevity.

All of those things matter.

But there is another question that interests me just as much:

What happens to identity?

Who are we when the titles start disappearing, and when are we no longer the manager, the doctor, the teacher, the business owner or the person everyone calls when something needs to be solved?

The Thursday Murder Club gives a surprisingly simple answer:

You are still the person who spent decades becoming who you are.

The job may end, but the expertise remains.

Stay curious, stay relevant.

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My Post-Convocation Lunch Introduced Me to Miao Cuisine

A few days after my convocation, I wanted to celebrate with lunch somewhere different. That search led my sister and I to MIAO at IOI Puchong Mall, a restaurant serving Miao cuisine from Guizhou China. I have heard of Sichuan, Hunan, Cantonese, and Yunnan cuisine, but Miao cuisine was completely new to me.

What Is Miao Cuisine?

I did some Googling and learned that Miao cuisine comes from Guizhou Province in southwest China and is closely associated with the Miao ethnic minority.

One of the defining characteristics of Guizhou cuisine is its use of sour flavours, often created from using fresh herbs, chillies and preserved ingredients, creating dishes that are flavourful without necessarily being overwhelmingly spicy.

Sour Fish Mini Hot Pot

The restaurant's signature dish is its Guizhou Sour Soup Fish Hot Pot, so naturally, that became the centrepiece of our meal.

The soup had a pleasant sourness that was quite different from the tom yum soups or assam-based broths that many Malaysians are familiar with. The flavour was lighter than I expected and became more enjoyable after a few mouthfuls.

The hot pot came with one whole freshwater fish, tofu skin, enoki mushrooms, and Chinese cabbage. Cooking everything at the table made the meal feel more festive, and the ingredients absorbed the flavour of the soup very nicely.

Stir-Fried Deer Mushrooms

Alongside the hot pot, we also ordered the Stir-Fried Deer Mushrooms. Despite the name, this dish contains mushrooms rather than deer meat. Apparently deer mushrooms are named after their appearance and are commonly used in Chinese cooking.

The mushrooms were stir-fried with garlic, leeks, and red and green chillies, giving the dish a savoury flavour with just enough heat. The texture was slightly chewy, making it a nice contrast to the softer ingredients in the hot pot.

The Drinks

We also ordered the Guizhou Specialty Tamarind Juice and the Signature Passion Fruit Drink. The tamarind juice had a pleasant balance of sweetness and tanginess, and the passion fruit drink was equally enjoyable and offered a lighter, fruitier option. But perhaps next time, I will opt for normal sweetness instead of the less sweet version.

Build Your Own Guizhou Ice Jelly Bowl

One of my favourite moments at the restaurant was the complimentary Guizhou Ice Jelly station.

You get to build your own jelly bowl by choosing from a selection of toppings. There were grass jelly, colourful jelly cubes, popping boba, red beans, mung beans, peanuts, crunchy toppings and various sweet syrups.

This was the highlight of the meal as I filled my bowl with a little bit of almost everything. The combination of chilled jelly, beans, crunchy toppings and syrup made for a refreshing dessert after the hot pot.

I thought this was a nice touch because it made the dining experience a little more interesting. Rather than serving everyone the same dessert, each person could customise their own bowl according to their preferences.

If you're feeling adventurous and would like to explore a different side of Chinese cuisine, MIAO is certainly worth considering.

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