Why Don't I Feel As Steady As I Used To?

After learning about estrogen, I thought, okay... at least now I understand a little better why perimenopause can feel so random.

Then there's one more hormone in the picture: progesterone.

Just like estrogen, I associate progesterone with pregnancy or fertility. That's it.

What I didn't realise is that progesterone is closely linked to sleep, anxiety, mood, and that general sense of feeling calm and steady.

And when I learnt that?

Aha. No wonder lah!

Progesterone Is the Underrated Hormone

Estrogen gets a lot of attention when we talk about menopause. And progesterone seems to be the quieter one sitting somewhere at the back.

But I'm beginning to realise this quiet hormone may explain some of the things that bother me the most. Things like:

• Why am I more easily overwhelmed than before?
• Why does anxiety appear when there isn't actually anything specific to be anxious about?
• Why can I be physically tired, but my brain refuses to switch off?
• Why don't I feel as emotionally steady as I used to?

That last one really caught my attention because sometimes it isn't even about being sad, angry or anxious. It's just this feeling of... I used to handle things better.

Let me to explain what that means:

• I begin to realise things that I would previously just let them be; now they suddenly irritate me more.
• Stress seems to use up my mental bandwidth way faster than what I'd like to admit.
• Some days I just have less tolerance for nonsense.

Okay, maybe the last one is also age and experience. 😂

But still.

It made me wonder how much of what we describe as "I've changed" could actually be happening alongside hormonal changes too.

Progesterone Apparently Starts Changing Early

Source: Dr. Mary Clair Haver

This was another thing I didn't know.

I always assumed all our hormones basically started declining together as we approached menopause.

Progesterone is produced after ovulation. But as we move through our late 30s and 40s and ovulation becomes less consistent, progesterone production can also become less consistent.

You may still be having periods, not having hot flushes, or not even be thinking about perimenopause. But hormonally, things may already be changing.

Aha. No wonder lah!

This also made me realise why the beginning of perimenopause can be so confusing.

We tend to look out for the stereotypical menopause symptoms. No hot flush? Still menstruating? Then surely everything is normal, right?

Except the changes may have started much earlier and may show up in completely different ways.

Then There Is the Anxiety

This was actually one of my bigger aha moments.

I recently understood that anxiety can worsen when progesterone declines, while fluctuating estrogen can also contribute to it.

My immediate response was basically: AHA. NO WONDER LAH.

So progesterone is fluctuating; estrogen is going up and down like a rollercoaster.

And my nervous system is somewhere in the middle, going, "Good luck everybody!" 😂

Of course, anxiety has many causes, and I'm not going to blame every anxious moment on hormones.

Work, family, traffic, incompetent people are... well, incompetent people.

But what I find frustrating is the kind of anxiety that sometimes seems to come from nowhere.

Nothing particularly terrible has happened >> You're not consciously worried about anything >> Yet somehow your body feels unsettled >> Your mind is restless >> You're more easily triggered >> And you can't quite explain why

You feel me?

And Then There Is Sleep...

...or the lack of it.

I have recently also been learning about the relationship between progesterone and sleep, particularly that progesterone has calming effects in the brain and is associated with restorative sleep.

Which brings me to another question: How can you be tired and STILL not want to fall sleep easily?

I can be physically exhausted and I know I should sleep.

But somehow my brain thinks 11pm is an excellent time to play brain games. One round, then another round, then another, and one hour passed.

Earlier I joked that perhaps I'm addicted to dopamine.

Maybe not literally, but I have definitely trained my brain to expect entertainment right until bedtime instead of winding down.

So now I'm experimenting. No brain games for about an hour before sleeping.

Brain, please understand that office hours are over. 😭

Having More Context Is Important

When you're more anxious, sleeping badly, easily overwhelmed and not feeling as emotionally steady as before, it is very easy to turn everything inward.

Why am I like this nowadays? Why can't I handle stress like I used to? Why am I so easily irritated? Am I just becoming grumpier as I get older?

To be fair, yes, hormones may not be the explanation for everything.

But for me, learning about perimenopause isn't really about finding a hormone to blame or pigeonholing symptoms. It's about having more context. Because once you understand that something may be changing inside your body, you stop interpreting every change as some kind of personal failing.

The thought then changes from, "What is wrong with me?" TO

"Ahhh... so THAT might be what's going on."

And there it is again.

Aha. No wonder lah!

Next experiment: convincing my brain that bedtime is for sleeping, not achieving a new high score. 😑