A Parenting Reflection Inspired by Harry Kane's Ballon d'Or Win

Harry Kane won the 2026 Men's Ballon d'Or!

Many football fans were genuinely happy for him. Some even commented that Kane's win felt like Robert Lewandowski and all the other deserving footballers who had never won the award were finally getting their moment too.

I thought that was quite an intriguing sentiment.

Source: meetunnadkat

But what really got me thinking was my youngest son telling me that he was thrilled Harry Kane won.

Now, I don't know exactly why he was so happy. Maybe he simply likes Kane as a footballer. But knowing my boy and the challenges he faces, particularly with his physical stature, I wonder whether he sees a little bit of himself in Kane's story.

Not Every Child Is a Messi or Lamine Yamal

Let's be realistic. Footballers like Lionel Messi and Lamine Yamal are extremely rare. They are exceptional talents who were already attracting attention at a very young age.

Most children who love football are not going to be like them. And that's okay.

My youngest son loves football. He does face challenges with his physical stature, whereby he's considerably smaller than many children his age.

In football, physical stature does matter. Of course, there are smaller players who are technically brilliant, but when you're a child playing against other children who are taller, stronger and faster, the physical differences can be quite obvious.

I'm not going to pretend otherwise. Just like many other children who play the sport, he needs to put in a lot of effort to become better.

But he enjoys football. And as his mother, I think that's a good enough reason to continue supporting his interest.

Harry Kane Didn't Exactly Have a Glorious Start

One of the things I find interesting about Kane's career is that he wasn't always considered a promising footballer.

He was released by Arsenal's academy when he was a young boy. He was also reportedly smaller than many of his teammates during his early years.

Even after joining Tottenham Hotspur, he didn't immediately become a superstar. He went through several loan spells at Leyton Orient, Millwall, Norwich City and Leicester City before finally establishing himself at Tottenham.

If you look at his career now, it's easy to forget that there was a time when he wasn't necessarily the player everyone expected to succeed.

You can read about his story on this IG post and this one too.

Of course, hindsight is a wonderful thing. Now that Kane has won the Ballon d'Or, we can look back at his journey and talk about perseverance, determination and hard work.

But imagine being his parents when he was eight or nine years old and Arsenal decided he wasn't good enough for their academy.

At that point, nobody could have known that he would eventually become one of the world's best strikers.

His father apparently encouraged him to keep playing football instead of treating the rejection as the end of the road.

I think that's the part of Kane's story that resonates most with me as a parent.

Because when your child is still young, you really don't know how things will turn out.

Being Smaller Doesn't Mean He Should Have Fewer Opportunities

This is probably the most personal part of the story for me.

Because of my son's growth challenges, I'm very conscious of the fact that he may not be able to compete physically with some of his peers, at least for now. And yes, it does concern me sometimes.

I don't want him to become discouraged simply because other children are bigger or stronger. Neither do I want him to believe that being physically smaller means he's automatically less capable.

But I also have to be realistic.

There will be situations where physical differences put him at a disadvantage. There may be opportunities that he doesn't get, or teams that he doesn't make.

I can't protect him from every disappointment.

What I can do is make sure that I don't become another person who limits him before he's even had the chance to try.

If he wants to play football, let him play. If he needs extra practice, we'll find ways to help him. If he struggles with something, we'll work on it.

And if one day he decides that football is no longer something he wants to pursue, that's fine too.

I don't want to decide his future based on how tall he is today.

Interestingly, Kane has spoken about being one of the smaller players when he was young before going through a growth spurt.

Now, I'm not saying my son will follow the same path. His growth challenges are something we're addressing separately, and every child's development is different.

But it is a useful reminder that children develop differently, physically and in terms of their abilities.

What we see at nine or ten years old isn't necessarily what we'll see at fifteen or twenty.

So yes, I'm happy Harry Kane won the Ballon d'Or too.

Not because I expect my son to follow in his footsteps, but because Kane's story is a reminder that not everyone starts out as the obvious favourite.

And as parents, perhaps we should be a little more patient with children who need more time to find their footing.

After all, we're raising children, not scouting for the next Ballon d'Or winner. Haha.

Harry Kane's Men's Ballon d'Or Win Speech

The part of his speech that I find meaningful:

"For any young boy or girl wanting to achieve their dreams, anything is possible with hard work when no one else is watching. To go through the ups and downs, to learn through resilience, determination and self-belief. Like I said, anything is possible.

My journey, it wasn't straightforward. I wasn't the kid who went straight to the top. I had to experience the downs. I experienced a lot of long moves. I had to fight my way to be the very best right now, and hope that can give you inspiration as well."

- Harry Kane - 

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Why I Refuse to Stay Quiet About Perimenopause | Menopause Awareness Month

October is Menopause Awareness Month

For generations, women went through menopause and the years leading up to it, pretty quietly. In this October, which is also the Month of Menopause Awareness, I've been thinking a lot about why that silence existed for so long and why I don't think we need to continue it.

For a very long time, older women's health wasn't something people talked about openly. Partly because menopause is considered a natural stage of life, so the expectation basically goes like this: "Every woman goes through it, so just tahan only lah."

And partly, I think, because nobody wanted to be judged. But unfortunately, some of that judgement comes from other women too. The most common one that I always hear is this: "Our mothers and grandmothers went through menopause too. They didn't make such a big fuss about it."

This is where I respectfully disagree.

What Our Mothers Didn't Say

Just because previous generations went through something silently doesn't mean they went through it comfortably.

• Maybe they didn't have the words for what they were feeling.
• Maybe nobody told them that the insomnia, anxiety, brain fog, rage, exhaustion, palpitations, changing periods, joint aches or loss of libido could all be connected.
• Maybe they did mention it to their doctors, but their doctors told them it was stress, ageing, motherhood, or simply part of being a woman.
• Or maybe they just got on with life because what other choice did they have?

To be very frank, I don't see their silence as proof that menopause wasn't challenging. Sometimes silence is just silence.

Yes, It's Natural, I Know

As a Gen X woman going through perimenopause right now, I feel that women of my generation are most likely among the first to talk about this stage of life so openly and publicly.

And to some women from earlier generations, we probably sound like we're making a lot of noise over something completely natural.

But here's the thing: 'natural' doesn't mean easy.

Yes, childbirth, period, and ageing – all these are natural occurrences in a woman's life. But pain is still pain.

For some women, perimenopause is fairly manageable. For others, the symptoms can be bloody unbearable.

On some days, the irritability is ridiculous, sleep can be rubbish, anxiety turns up for no obvious reason, or my mental bandwidth disappears much faster than it used to. And sometimes noise, people and normal everyday stuff are just TOO MUCH.

And when several of these things happen at the same time, being told "it's natural" doesn’t really help.

I know it's natural. But I still need to know what the hell is happening to me.

Talking About It Isn't the Same as Blaming Everything on Hormones

This one is important. Being vocal about perimenopause doesn't mean I want to put every woman in her 40s into a box:

• Bad mood? Hormones.
• Can't sleep? Hormones.
• Forgot something? Hormones.
• Annoyed with your husband? Definitely hormones. 😂

No lah.

There are many reasons someone might feel anxious, tired, foggy or unable to sleep. Some of those symptoms may need proper medical checks because there could be something else going on entirely.

I'm not trying to blame hormones for everything. I just want perimenopause to be part of the context, so we can ask better questions.

• Could this be hormonal?
• Could it be my thyroid?
• Am I low on something?
• Is it stress?
• Could it be something psychological?
• Should I see a doctor?
• Would treatment help?
• What lifestyle changes do I need?

Asking these questions isn't making excuses. It's about being able to make informed decisions and take charge of our health.

Silence Doesn't Make Us Stronger

I have huge respect for the women before us. They raised families, worked, looked after ageing parents and kept households running, all while their bodies were changing, usually with very little information or support.

But respecting their resilience doesn't mean we have to copy their silence.

First, if we know more now, why not talk about it?

Second, if treatments and support exist, why shouldn't women know about them?

Third, if talking about it can save another woman from spending years wondering, "Why am I becoming like this?" then I'd rather talk about it, bravely.

Why I'm Choosing to Be Vocal About It

This is also why being featured on Menopause Asia as an advocate means something to me.

I don't see advocacy as standing on a soapbox telling women what they should think or do. For me, advocacy means:

• Talking openly about what I'm experiencing.
• Sharing what I'm learning.
• Asking questions that perhaps women before us were never encouraged to ask.
• Helping another woman recognise that what she's going through deserves attention rather than dismissal.

I'm still learning myself; I don't have all the answers, and I don't think every midlife symptom should automatically be labelled perimenopause.

But I do think women deserve enough information to recognise when something has changed, enough confidence to ask why, and access to the right support if they need it.

That, to me, is what advocacy looks like.

I'm not talking about perimenopause because I think women are fragile but because women deserve to understand what is happening to their own bodies.

There's no prize for suffering quietly. And silence is something that we don't need to pass down.

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Discovering Nine Little Korean Banchan (Side Dishes)

One of my favourite things about having Korean food for lunch or dinner is the little spread of side dishes (banchan) that arrives before you have even properly started your meal.

I have eaten them many times at different Korean restaurants, happily picking from one little bowl to another, without really paying attention to what they really are.

But now, looking at this photo of banchan I had at the Korean Recipe restaurant at Bukit Jalil Golf & Country Resort, I realise something quite interesting.

Banchan (Korean Side Dishes)

I know which ones I like. I just don't always know what they are. So I decided to finally identify what was on this particular table.

1. Spicy sliced potatoes

The orange-red slices are potatoes, seasoned or pickled with chilli. Slightly spicy, slightly tangy and very easy to keep digging in.

2. Mashed potato salad

The pale yellow side dish beside it is mashed potato salad. It's buttery and creamy, making it a nice break from the stronger flavours around it.

3. Braised black beans

Those glossy black beans at the top are sweet-savoury and slightly chewy. It's one of those side dishes that looks basic but has a surprisingly strong flavour. This is probably my favourite of the lot!

4. Spicy cucumber

The cucumber chunk in red sauce is crunchy, refreshing and lightly spicy. This dish is probably one of the easiest banchan to recognise.

5. Rolled egg

The little rectangular piece in the middle is a rolled omelette. This dish is most likely one of the most common side dishes.

6. Pickled white radish

The pale pieces on the left are pickled radish. Crisp, slightly sweet and acidic, and very useful for cutting through richer food, especially if you're having grilled pork belly.

7. Stir-fried anchovies with peanuts

The little anchovies and peanuts on the right are crunchy, savoury and slightly sweet. This is the kind of side dish where you either take one bite or somehow finish half the bowl without noticing.

8. Pickled pink cabbage

The bright pink dish is a vinegar-based pickled cabbage. It's tart, crunchy and looks very pretty on the table.

9. Kimchi

And of course, kimchi! Fermented cabbage, chilli, sourness, spice and probably the one banchan almost everyone recognises.

Bibimbap

Oh yeah, the bigger bowl at the bottom of the photo is not a banchan hahaha. It's a bowl of bibimbap. I love the assortment of vegetables, colours and textures, especially when everything gets mixed together with the rice, egg and sauce into one gloriously messy bowl.

Life is Like Banchan

Anyway, back to banchan. What I like about banchan is that none of these dishes needs to be the star.

They don't outshine one another. Each has its own taste profile, its own role, and together they make the meal feel complete.

Life works a little like that too. Not everything needs to be the biggest, loudest, or most important thing on the table. Some things simply add contrast, balance or comfort.

Life is not about having one thing that defines everything. Sometimes, it's the combination of many small, different things that makes the whole experience richer.

 

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My Kids' Paediatric Endocrinologist Has Put His Foot Down About Sleeping Early

During a recent dietitian appointment for my youngest kiddo, while we were discussing food, calories and how to help him gain weight, the dietitian reminded us that sleep is also important for growth.

This means I need to think about more than just feeding my child more. I also need to make sure he sleeps earlier and has adequate hours of sleep, just like what his dietitian mentioned, and as reaffirmed by his paediatric endocrinologist, Prof. Dr Yazid at UMSC.

So naturally, this sent me down another research rabbit hole, because I wanted to understand why sleep was being treated as such an important part of his growth plan. Okay, I don't know how this happened, but I seem to have conveniently forgotten that kids grow during their sleep.

What does sleep actually have to do with children's growth?

As it turns out, quite a lot.

Growth hormone (GH) plays an important role in childhood growth, and its secretion is closely associated with sleep. Research has found that significant GH release occurs around the first period of slow-wave, or deep, sleep, particularly during the earlier part of the sleep period.

Source: Instagram

Research suggests that adequate, good-quality and regular sleep is important for children's health and development, and sleep is closely connected to the normal secretion of growth hormone. Children who get enough sleep at the correct timing tend to be able to grow taller.

For children aged 6 to 12, the American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends between 9 and 12 hours of sleep per 24 hours, while teenagers aged 13 to 18 should generally get between 8 and 10 hours.

Guess what the timing is? 

Children should already be asleep no later than 10pm, preferably by 9pm.

Seriously?

But why wasn't this emphasised more?

Look, my kids have seen paediatricians throughout their childhood for general checkups, vaccinations, nutrition and growth charts, along with all the other things that parents normally discuss with their children's doctors.

Of course, we've also been told that children need enough sleep. I don't think there is a parent alive who doesn't know that children are supposed to sleep early.

But I now realise that there is a significant difference between being told, "Make sure he gets enough sleep," and being told, "Sleep needs to be part of how we manage his growth."

Those two statements would have landed very differently with me as a parent.

It was only when we started seeing a paediatric endocrinologist that I began to understand how seriously I should be treating sleep in the context of growth. Now that the dietitian has reinforced the same message, I find myself wondering why I didn't understand its importance much earlier.

How I wish somebody had made the connection much more explicit. If someone had told me years ago that when we assess a child's growth, we should be looking at nutrition, sleep and the overall growth pattern together, I would have treated bedtime very differently.

Anyway, turning bedtime into another reason to beat myself up isn't going to help anyone. What I can do is take what we know now and change what happens from here.

So Operation 'Sleep Earlier' Begins!

I'm realistic enough to know that announcing, "From tonight onwards, everybody goes to bed before 10pm!" is probably the fastest way to make the whole exercise fail.

Our bedtime has gradually crept later over the years, so I'm treating this as something we need to reset rather than something I can change overnight.

1. Move bedtime earlier gradually.

Instead of suddenly trying to shift bedtime by an hour, we can move it earlier in smaller increments. Even bringing bedtime forward by 15 minutes every few nights gives their bodies and our household routine some time to adjust.

The goal isn't to achieve the perfect bedtime immediately. It's to gradually make an earlier bedtime feel normal.

2. Work backwards from wake-up time.

This has been one of the more useful ways for me to think about it.

Instead of asking why my children need to sleep so ridiculously early, I can start with the time they need to wake up for school and work backwards according to how much sleep they need for their age.

Once I do the maths, bedtime becomes somehow less negotiable.

3. Start the bedtime routine well before bedtime.

I've also realised that saying "bedtime is 9pm" cannot mean that we start preparing for bed at 9pm.

BUT there is coming home from tuition or football, showering, packing school bags, finding things and, inevitably, remembering something important right before bedtime.

If I want them asleep earlier, the entire household needs to start slowing down earlier.

4. Screens need a bedtime too.

This is probably going to be one of the harder changes because "five more minutes" on a phone has a remarkable ability to become half an hour.

Rather than focusing only on what time the children get into bed, I think we need a clearer time when screens stop too. That gives them some time to wind down before they're expected to fall asleep.

5. Aim for consistency rather than perfection.

There will inevitably be late dinners, homework, football, family activities and weekends when everything goes completely off schedule.

I'm not trying to run a military camp where everybody must be unconscious at exactly 9.37 pm.

What I want is for an earlier bedtime to become our normal routine rather than something we attempt only when there is school the next morning.

Parenthood is not for the faint-hearted.

The more I learn about children's growth, the more I realise that there isn't one magic food, supplement or habit that determines how tall a child eventually becomes. Genetics matter, nutrition matters, overall health matters, hormones matter, and sleep is another part of that complicated picture.

There are many things about their growth that I cannot control, and perhaps that's the part of motherhood that makes me the most anxious. I can do all the right things and still have to accept that I cannot personally command their bodies to grow.

What I can do is make use of the information we have now.

I can work on his nutrition. I can add the extra oil. I can make his snacks more substantial. I can keep taking him to his appointments and keep monitoring his progress.

And I guess I can also occasionally be that mother who starts shouting across the house every night, "GO TO SLEEP! YOU NEED TO GROW!"

Haha.

Wish me all the best!

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September Is Perimenopause Awareness Month

What Exactly Is Perimenopause?

If there's one thing I've realised from learning more about this stage of life, it's this: many women enter perimenopause without really knowing what to expect.

We know that menopause is when menstruation stops. This is the simplest explanation.

But perimenopause, the transition phase before menopause, can last up to 8 to 10 years before menopause actually occurs.

During perimenopause, which Dr Mary Claire Haver describes as the Zone of Chaos, hormones such as estrogen, progesterone and testosterone become increasingly unpredictable, and the effects can show up in ways that don't immediately seem hormonal at all: brain fog, anxiety, poor sleep, mood changes, joint aches, palpitations, changes in body composition and many more.

Which is why, so many women in their 40s seem to describe similar experiences:

"Maybe I'm just stressed."

"Maybe I'm just getting old already lah."

"Why don't I feel like myself anymore?"

And then you finally start connecting the dots.

Discovering the Perimenopause Rollercoaster

My Blog Posts

I thought estrogen was just a reproductive hormone. Here's what I learnt about estrogen's role in brain fog, mood, sleep and other perimenopause changes.

Why do anxiety, irritability, and poor sleep feel different in perimenopause? Here's what I learnt about progesterone and feeling less steady in midlife.

Feeling flat, less motivated or low in energy? Here's what I learnt about testosterone in women and how it may affect drive, strength, and midlife.

Aha. No wonder lah!

Perimenopause Deserves More Conversations

Awareness matters because recognising that these changes could be related to perimenopause gives us more context. It helps us ask better questions, seek appropriate support and have more informed conversations about what is happening to our bodies.

If you're wondering whether some of the changes you’ve been experiencing could be related to perimenopause, you can also reach out to Menopause Asia.

It is a digital platform that connects women with independently licensed doctors, reliable information and practical midlife health resources, with the aim of making menopause support easier to access and navigate. Menopause Asia itself is not a healthcare provider; medical consultations are provided independently by licensed healthcare professionals.

Sometimes, knowing what might be happening is already a very useful first step.

So this September, maybe tell another woman what you've learnt too.

Because the more openly we talk about perimenopause, the less likely someone else is to spend years thinking: "What on earth is wrong with me?"

❤️ Share this with a woman who might need her own Aha, No Wonder Lah moment.

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Adding Oil to Everything Is Now Part of My Parenting Strategy

I came home from a dietitian appointment recently with a new parenting strategy:

Add oil to lunch, dinner, and whatever food my child will happily eat.

So apparently, when you're trying to help a child gain weight, sometimes the answer isn't eat more. It's figuring out how to make what they're already eating work a little harder.

I just realised this is one of those parenting things I never thought I'd know need to put into practice.

For the past few months, we've been working with a dietitian to help our youngest kiddo with his growth. He's always been on the smaller side, so we're trying to help him gain weight steadily and, hopefully, support his height growth along the way.

The good news from our latest appointment is that he has gained some weight.

Although not a drastic increase, it was enough for the dietitian to mention that whatever we're doing, keep doing it.

So next, we add oil.

One of the things I've learnt is that helping a child gain weight doesn't necessarily mean piling more food onto his plate.

Because if your child already doesn't eat very much, staring at an even bigger mountain of food isn't exactly going to inspire him.

Instead, we're learning to increase the calorie density of the food he's already eating.

Hence: oil (e.g., olive oil, butter).

And we're also encouraged to add things like fried shallots, fried garlic, and fried ikan bilis to his meals; basically foods that add more oil, protein, and calories without significantly increasing the amount of food he has to finish.

Vegetables require a different strategy.

This is another thing I liked from the dietitian.

Instead of constantly introducing vegetables as a separate 'you must eat this because it's good for you' item, we can introduce them through something he already likes.

He loves tom yum, for example.

So rather than saying, "Here is a new veggie. Eat it." It can be, "Here's your tom yum. There's a nice veggie in it." 😂

He's already started accepting a few vegetables, so the idea now is to keep those consistent while slowly expanding the selection.

Sleep is not for the weak.

This one is probably going to be harder than adding oil.

The dietitian also reminded us that nutrition is only one part of growth; sleep matters too.

So we're now working towards an earlier and more consistent bedtime, which means my child's growth plan involves not only what happens at the dining table, but also what time he needs to be in bed.

Wish me luck!

Small progress is still progress.

I think that's probably my biggest takeaway from these appointments.

When you're watching a child's growth over time, progress doesn't always look dramatic. Sometimes it's simply seeing that the gap on the growth chart has become a little smaller.

And for now, that's enough to make me happy.

We have another few months before the next check-in, so the plan is pretty simple:

• Keep doing what seems to be working.
• Keep making his snacks more substantial.
• Keep introducing food, including veggies, without turning every meal into a battle.
• Get him to bed earlier.
• And of course, add oil to his food.

Wish me luck!

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Where Did My Spark Go?

After learning about the chaotic behaviour of fluctuating estrogen and progesterone during perimenopause, I thought I understood this whole hormone situation.

Then testosterone came along.

Women Have Testosterone Too

What? Seriously? 

Did you know that women have testosterone too? This was probably the first misconception I had to get rid of.

Testosterone is not exclusively a male hormone. Women produce it too, just in smaller amounts.

Source: Instagram | joiedevivrefit

In women, testosterone supports:

• Energy and vitality
• Libido
• Muscle and strength
• Bone health
• Confidence and drive
• Cognitive sharpness
• Skin and hair

Okay wait.

So, estrogen has its hands in almost everything.

Progesterone is involved in calmness and sleep.

And now testosterone is in the picture, deciding whether I still have energy, drive, and motivation.

How many functions are these hormones actually running? 😑

The "I've Lost My Spark" Feeling

Because low testosterone in women can be described less like feeling unwell and more like this vague sense of flatness.

It's not necessarily sadness or depression. Just... "I don't feel like I used to."

Some women describe it as:

"I've lost my spark."

"I feel flat."

"I'm going through the motions."

"I don't recognise myself."

That whole cluster stood out to me because it's such a subtle thing.

There may not be anything dramatically wrong; you're still functioning, going to work, doing what needs to be done, and showing up.

But somewhere along the way, the enthusiasm feels smaller and the drive is less.

The "I can't be bothered" moments become more frequent.

And you may start wondering, "Am I just tired? Lazy? Burnt out? Bored? Getting old? Or is there something else going on too?"

Then There Is the Energy Problem

This one is interesting, because "tired" can mean so many things.

There's sleepy tired, physically exhausted tired, and mentally overloaded tired.

And then there's this other kind of "tired" where you can technically do something but just don't feel like it.

Because the motivation, enthusiasm, and that forward momentum are missing.

Now to be fair, sometimes I genuinely cannot be bothered because the thing is annoying and I have reached that stage in life where I no longer want to waste energy pretending otherwise. 😂

But still.

I find it striking that testosterone is also associated with drive and vitality, because those are not usually the things women are taught to connect with hormones.

Strength Training Is a Big Deal

Declining testosterone has been linked to reduced muscle mass, less physical resilience and shifts in body composition. This is probably the most practical takeaway I got from this topic.

Experts put a lot of emphasis on resistance or strength training and suggest two to three sessions a week as an important part of supporting strength and muscle in midlife.

Strength training seems to be the "prescription" for almost everything related to perimenopause, bone health, muscle mass, and metabolism.

Sigh, I suppose this is one of those moments where I can no longer pretend I didn't get the memo.

Looks like I need to stop avoiding strength training. 😑

Excuses Vs Context

Anyway, learning about hormones isn't about finding an excuse.

It's about understanding that sometimes there is more context behind the question, "Why don't I feel like myself anymore?"

Maybe the better questions are, "What has changed?" and "What can I do?"

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Why Don't I Feel As Steady As I Used To?

After learning about estrogen, I thought, okay... at least now I understand a little better why perimenopause can feel so random.

Then there's one more hormone in the picture: progesterone.

Just like estrogen, I associate progesterone with pregnancy or fertility. That's it.

What I didn't realise is that progesterone is closely linked to sleep, anxiety, mood, and that general sense of feeling calm and steady.

And when I learnt that?

Aha. No wonder lah!

Progesterone Is the Underrated Hormone

Estrogen gets a lot of attention when we talk about menopause. And progesterone seems to be the quieter one sitting somewhere at the back.

But I'm beginning to realise this quiet hormone may explain some of the things that bother me the most. Things like:

• Why am I more easily overwhelmed than before?
• Why does anxiety appear when there isn't actually anything specific to be anxious about?
• Why can I be physically tired, but my brain refuses to switch off?
• Why don't I feel as emotionally steady as I used to?

That last one really caught my attention because sometimes it isn't even about being sad, angry or anxious. It's just this feeling of... I used to handle things better.

Let me to explain what that means:

• I begin to realise things that I would previously just let them be; now they suddenly irritate me more.
• Stress seems to use up my mental bandwidth way faster than what I'd like to admit.
• Some days I just have less tolerance for nonsense.

Okay, maybe the last one is also age and experience. 😂

But still.

It made me wonder how much of what we describe as "I've changed" could actually be happening alongside hormonal changes too.

Progesterone Apparently Starts Changing Early

Source: Dr. Mary Clair Haver

This was another thing I didn't know.

I always assumed all our hormones basically started declining together as we approached menopause.

Progesterone is produced after ovulation. But as we move through our late 30s and 40s and ovulation becomes less consistent, progesterone production can also become less consistent.

You may still be having periods, not having hot flushes, or not even be thinking about perimenopause. But hormonally, things may already be changing.

Aha. No wonder lah!

This also made me realise why the beginning of perimenopause can be so confusing.

We tend to look out for the stereotypical menopause symptoms. No hot flush? Still menstruating? Then surely everything is normal, right?

Except the changes may have started much earlier and may show up in completely different ways.

Then There Is the Anxiety

This was actually one of my bigger aha moments.

I recently understood that anxiety can worsen when progesterone declines, while fluctuating estrogen can also contribute to it.

My immediate response was basically: AHA. NO WONDER LAH.

So progesterone is fluctuating; estrogen is going up and down like a rollercoaster.

And my nervous system is somewhere in the middle, going, "Good luck everybody!" 😂

Of course, anxiety has many causes, and I'm not going to blame every anxious moment on hormones.

Work, family, traffic, incompetent people are... well, incompetent people.

But what I find frustrating is the kind of anxiety that sometimes seems to come from nowhere.

Nothing particularly terrible has happened >> You're not consciously worried about anything >> Yet somehow your body feels unsettled >> Your mind is restless >> You're more easily triggered >> And you can't quite explain why

You feel me?

And Then There Is Sleep...

...or the lack of it.

I have recently also been learning about the relationship between progesterone and sleep, particularly that progesterone has calming effects in the brain and is associated with restorative sleep.

Which brings me to another question: How can you be tired and STILL not want to fall sleep easily?

I can be physically exhausted and I know I should sleep.

But somehow my brain thinks 11pm is an excellent time to play brain games. One round, then another round, then another, and one hour passed.

Earlier I joked that perhaps I'm addicted to dopamine.

Maybe not literally, but I have definitely trained my brain to expect entertainment right until bedtime instead of winding down.

So now I'm experimenting. No brain games for about an hour before sleeping.

Brain, please understand that office hours are over. 😭

Having More Context Is Important

When you're more anxious, sleeping badly, easily overwhelmed and not feeling as emotionally steady as before, it is very easy to turn everything inward.

Why am I like this nowadays? Why can't I handle stress like I used to? Why am I so easily irritated? Am I just becoming grumpier as I get older?

To be fair, yes, hormones may not be the explanation for everything.

But for me, learning about perimenopause isn't really about finding a hormone to blame or pigeonholing symptoms. It's about having more context. Because once you understand that something may be changing inside your body, you stop interpreting every change as some kind of personal failing.

The thought then changes from, "What is wrong with me?" TO

"Ahhh... so THAT might be what's going on."

And there it is again.

Aha. No wonder lah!

Next experiment: convincing my brain that bedtime is for sleeping, not achieving a new high score. 😑

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I Thought Estrogen Was Just A Reproductive Hormone

Previously, if someone asked me what estrogen does, I would answer like this: estrogen is a female hormone involved in menstruation, reproduction, and finally menopause.

But recently I started learning about perimenopause, and lo and behold! I just got to know that estrogen has receptors in almost every tissue in the female body and influences hundreds of different functions.

Guess what my immediate reaction is?

Aha. No wonder lah!

Did You Know that Estrogen Is Involved in Almost Everything?

The estrogen receptors are found in the brain, heart, bones, skin, gut, bladder, joints, and blood vessels. Gosh! I now understand why the list of things women experience during perimenopause can seem completely unrelated.

How many of these symptoms do you experience? These are some of the most common ones:

Brain fog, difficulty finding words, sleep problems, anxiety, irritability, joint aches, changes in body composition (belly fat), changes to periods, hot flushes, and night sweats.

When you put it all together, you start thinking, "Wait... are you saying these things can all happen at the same stage of life?"

Take the Menopause Quiz

If you're unsure about what's going on with your body, especially if you don't feel quite right but aren't diagnosed with clinical conditions, try this (peri)menopause quiz/symptom checker from Menopause Asia. It will be insightful.

The Brain Fog

This one caught my attention because it's so annoying. Have you ever experienced the following?

• You are talking halfway through a sentence, and suddenly the word you wanted is just... gone.
• You walk into a room and forget why you went there.
• You read the same paragraph three times and realise that absolutely nothing has registered.
• You know that you know someone's name, but your brain refuses to retrieve it.

And when it starts happening more often, you start to think, "Is there something wrong with me?"

What I didn't realise before is that estrogen also plays a role in brain function, including memory, language, concentration, processing, and mood.

Estrogen supports processes involving acetylcholine, which is important for memory and learning, blood flow to areas of the brain involved in focus and decision-making, synaptic plasticity, and neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine.

So when estrogen fluctuates during perimenopause, that's why some women experience cognitive slowness, difficulty retrieving words, trouble concentrating, or that strange feeling of mental static.

Aha. No wonder lah!

Estrogen Doesn't Just Drop Dramatically During Perimenopause

This was another big aha moment for me. For years, I thought hormones were high when we were younger, then declined as we got older, and finally became very low at menopause. Simple, right?

But... perimenopause doesn't behave quite so politely!

Estrogen does not decline in one nice, smooth line. During perimenopause, estrogen actually fluctuates quite dramatically like a rollercoaster before eventually settling at a lower level after menopause.

Source: LinkedIn

Now this makes the unpredictability of this stage make a little more sense.

• Why do I feel relatively normal one week and quite unlike myself another week?
• Why does something suddenly bother me when it never used to?
• Why can a symptom appear, disappear, and then return?

How Much Have I Been Blaming on "Getting Older"?

This is probably the part that has made me think the most. There are so many little changes that are incredibly easy to dismiss once you reach your 40s. You basically just lump everything into the "getting older lah" bucket.

• Tired more easily? Must be because old already lah.
• Brain fog? I just have too many things to remember lah.
• Stubborn belly fat? Metabolism slows down liao lah.
• Easily triggered, irritable? Stress from work, driving, incompetent people...
• Can't fall asleep fast enough? I play too much phone before sleep lah.

Perhaps sometimes those explanations may absolutely be part of it. But learning more about estrogen has made me a little less willing to automatically throw everything into the "I'm getting older" bucket.

The Biggest Shift for Me

I'm not trying to explain every little thing that happens to me with hormones, and I'm definitely not suggesting that every ache, forgotten word, bad night's sleep or bad mood is only caused by estrogen.

But I'm starting to understand that midlife isn't always as simple as "you're getting older".

The more I learn about perimenopause and estrogen, the more I feel reassured because understanding why something might be happening makes it feel a little less random.

I have a feeling there will be another Aha. No wonder lah! coming very soon. 😅

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