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Should I believe?

Should I believe? I amused myself with this question.

The question is: Should I believe in luck-related kind of things?

May be I should. I know I shouldn't. I know I should only have FAITH in God. Somehow, these days that doesn't work. In fact, faith becomes a foreign word in my life. What is faith? What about hope? I find myself drifting away from them. I'm drifting away from God, faith, hope, church...

Why?

I don't know.

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

I know I'm far far better than those who are killed in the big Sichuan earthquake last week. I know.

I know I'm far far far off better than those who are orphaned or handicapped due to accidents. I know.

I know I'm so much better than those who are born in war-torn or famine-stricken or natural disaster-prone countries. I know.

Yes, I know.

So what?

Today is another depressing day.

The Samsung MP3 has a faulty USB port and I've to figure out my way to Samsung service center. I ended up "makan angin" in SS1 and Sungei Way before I managed to get to the Samsung building. My right foot is the foot that's still needs to be treated later on. Now, I'm using it to step on the brake and accelerator pedals. Imagine the horrifying moments, a few. -_-

My right foot was sprained mysteriously on Thursday and today (Saturday), the "tit tar" doctor has bandaged it again! Next Monday night still need to return to the clinic for check-up. Haiyor... On top of that, I was in the midst of my sprained foot "physiotherapy" when a client called me. Arrgghhh!!!! Why today?

Am not in a good mood. Thought of visiting the crystal shop that I usually go. Then, that crystal guy "broke my heart."
According to him, my luck for relationships is almost zero. He said I'm destined to be so. WTF. He continued, this runs in the family. Fine. True enough. I've two unmarried aunts from my mom's side and another unmarried aunt from my dad's side and an unmarried uncle from my father's side. I didn't tell him all these before he commented on my zero luck thingy.

I've this dark feeling that I'm the next "victim." No date. No boyfriend. No husband. No kids. No family. Alone...

*shudders*

The guy continued to say that my weakest point is that I'm too anxious and very impatient. Well... I'm born like that, ok? You think I'm happy with this cacat trait? Stupid.

Fine.

If this is what God wants, so be it.

I do not need anyone to pity me. I can stand on my own feet. I resolve to be a strong single woman who do not need any man's shoulders to cry on! (I hope I mean what I say...)

Better stop lamenting now. Or else I'll end up in puddles of tears and a sleepless Saturday night.

SIGH..................

So, should I believe?

6 comments

  1. Sat sux eh.. mine too.. haha.
    Luck, yes, sometimes we depend on Luck.
    But destiny???? i don believe dat our lives oredi laid out accordingly. we gotta work our way to shape it up! else, some ppl destined to be rich, then they just sit thr.. tunggu durian runtuh. never will happen lor.
    as for being impatient and anxious, me oso liddat. and methink it's a personality that makes me ME. :) and it makes u U too.
    Hope ur poor footie gets well sooner. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha... I like your post about the T-shirt that says, "Tell me again, why do I need a boyfriend?"

    Wuakaka...

    I'll get that T-shirt soon. At The Curve, right?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ahh... lemme make a mental note.

    stall, flea market, the curve, RM29.90 for 1, RM50 for 2

    *deng deng deng deng*

    ReplyDelete
  4. keke.. I didn't ask whether they do custom-made wordings or not..

    ReplyDelete
  5. -_-" Wah lau weh.

    Whenever people say things like that, I always just walk away one. Who's he to say what will happen, and will not? Destiny is what we make of it.

    Besides, it depends on the road He lays out. If you believe that this is how it's meant to be, so be it. If you think not, then it's not. You get what you put out.

    On another note, it might be worth meditating on what lesson God might want you to learn before he reveals that person to you. Maybe there's something blocking you from what you seek? I dunno, just a feeling.

    *Flees*

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  6. Naoko,

    My sis gave me the same comment verbally, i.e. there must be certain lessons that I haven't learned, therefore the Lord couldn't reveal the one at the moment.

    Hmmm... I wonder what lesson is that? Is it wait for the Lord's provision by faith? Or is it recognizing the sovereign hand of God? Or is it that my bad temperament need some drastic changes by Him? May be it's something along this line.

    Or may be it's the other way round. May be I'm too easily attached emotionally to a person and may not be able to accept break-ups well (if they do happen). So God couldn't give me the one to save me from doing stupid things such as committing suicide (this is the most extreme thing). I may think I won't do such stupid things but may be the Lord knows it better.

    I think I'm not emotionally prepared yet. I may think I know how to love, adore, and treasure a person. But may be this kind of loving, adoring, and treasuring at this point of time will only ruin me and the person's life. So, may be the Lord is preparing me emotionally and psychologically as well as spiritually so that when I really meet with the one later on in my life, no one will be hurt unnecessarily.

    Think so...

    Hope so...

    Joicy

    ReplyDelete