Rant... rant... rant...
I guess, the biggest mistake I've ever made in my whole life is to feel sorry for myself! I don't want others to wrong me for whatever reason. So, I brace myself with a strong and defensive mask before everybody - my sister, brother, mother, colleagues, and church members. You'll never know what's really within me. Never. But then, this is the factor that makes me feel sorry for myself because people tend to MISUNDERSTAND me. Sigh...
I received a comment, telling me that the missing link is "trust." Trust? I've been honest with people all these while but what do I get? I got "trampled" under their feet. In this age, honesty and sincerity are meaningless. Why should I trust others when what I received is nothing but false treatment? It's better to stay as guileless as a dove and at the same time as crafty as a serpent. I was also told that the stronger one looks, the weaker they are within. Well... it takes time to mend whatever is broken inside. Understand?
Fine, I'm scary! People are automatically turned off by my unfriendliness and un-sporting-ness. Why? Because I'm ultra-sensitive and I pay too much attention to care about other people's feelings! So, who care about mine? Har?
Sometimes, discovery of some "groundbreaking" news could be destructive, at least to me. It really does. Especially if it involves betrayal! When I recollect what have transpired and when everything dawned upon me, I could only muse upon my stupidity. Next time, I promise, I won't put my heart upon anyone, anymore. Lest it be hurt again. It doesn't matter anymore if anybody is avoiding me or any such things. Fine! Avoid me as much as you like. I don't care! No more care! I don't mind! It doesn't matter! Arrrggghhhh! Get off my mind!
Quoting Avril Lavigne's "I Can Do Better": ...go away from me, you're gone, so long, I can do better, I CAN DO BETTER!
Current mood: Defensive. Disgusted.
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