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Health & Wellness



Movie: Zombieland (2009)

This place is so dead.

Zombieland (2009) is a horror comedy about two guys (Columbus & Tallahassee) and two sisters (Wichita & Little Rock) who have to rely on one another to survive a world full of zombies!

I like this article: The rules to survive a zombie attack (Zombieland). Please click if you want to live.

Disclaimer: The entire post below (except the re-numbering of points #16-21 plus some grammar changes) comes from the original article that I've linked above.

Rule 1: Cardio 

This one comes up in Zombieland and clearly makes a lot of sense. How many fat people do you see at the end of the world when the zombies are doing the ending? 

Rule 2: Beware of Bathrooms 
Really, not just bathrooms. Any good apocalyptic zombie survivor should know better than going into a bathroom, small closet or any other small room with only one way in or out. Only thing stupider to go into than a bathroom is a movie theater. Lots of places to run around before you get eaten. 

Rule 3: Seat Belts 
It's a safe bet unless you're a complete dumb dumb (see rule #7), you're not going to be hoofing it on foot in the event of a zombie outbreak. So when traveling on four wheels, wear your seat belt. Nothing's worse than finding yourself ejected out of your car into the loving-and-oh-so-hungry arms of zombies. 

Rule 4: Double Tap 
Carrying a gun is a great idea but it should never be your primary weapon. When you do end up using it for that last minute, 'oh shit' moment, remember to double tap. It's an emergency and that's why you're using it and not your cricket bat. So why skimp? One bullet more in the head will go a long way to ensure your survival. 

Rule 5: No Attachments 
This is a tough one but you can't have attachments. If you got kids or a wife, you're less likely to survive than the gal or guy who has no attachments and nothing slows him or her down. Or worse yet, making bonehead decisions like 'going back into the room'. 

Rule 6: Travel in a Group 
The best way to increase your odds of survival when traveling in a zombie outbreak is to make sure you're in a traveling buffet. Going it alone gives the zombies no choices but to eat you. Going it with an old man with a limp, a little kid who can't run, and a middle aged woman with a plastic leg gives the zombies more options and you better odds because you can run away faster. 

Rule 7: Keep the Dumb Dumb Close at Hand 
One of the most sure-fire ways of making sure you survive is keeping the less intelligent as close at hand as possible. When you find somebody who asks, "What's going on? What happened?" those are the ones you want with you. That way, when the zombies come, they're likely to be too stupid to run.

Rule 8: Kill with Efficiency 
It's not about pretty, it's about efficiency. A lot of folks run for the gun cabinet whereas the truly savvy ones will go to look for the most blunt and effective way to destroy the brain. That can be anything from a baseball bat... to a toilet lid! Kill with efficiency! Don't use weapons that need something to work on. Use weapons you can swing over and over and over again. You don't tend to run into one zombie at a time. 

Rule 9: Guns are for Hunting, Not for Zombie Killing 
This one is simple. Guns need bullets. When you're running, who has time to stop for bullets? Keeping a shotgun with buckshot on hand is important but only when you're pinned in and need a quick getaway. It's not a proper means for killing zombies as they run out of ammo and need reloading. Remember, a cricket bat or toilet lid doesn't need reloading! 

Rule 10: Be Quiet 
It's the end of the world as you know it, so try to avoid squealing like a 4th grade schoolgirl and perhaps invest in some good sneakers. Nobody said you've to kill all the zombies and there's certainly no shame in sneaking around and surviving versus tearing around like a madman and ending up being an undead happy meal. 

Rule 11: Know Your Way Out! 
Nothing's worse than a poorly planned escape. If you're going to be a hero, it's always a good idea to plan ahead and as the rule states... know your way out! 

Rule 12: Don't Be a Hero 
The hot chick who was totally gonna give you some isn't worth becoming the undead. So when the going gets rough and the hot chick is about to get undead... it's time to flee. No making a stand, no ending up a brave zombie. Better be a chicken liver alive guy. 

Rule 13: Limber Up 
When neither fighting a zombie nor running from zombies, it's not a great time to be pulling a muscle or throwing your back out. So limbering up is kind of a must. Stretch it out a little... it may save your life. 

Rule 14: Blend In 
Much as Shaun did in Shaun of the Dead, it's important to blend in. When's the last time you see a zombie trying to eat another zombie? Not easily done but with the right odor and smearing of goo on your face, it can happen. 

Rule 15: Find the Right Shelter 
Shelter is the key to survival but since we're already traveling in a group, you should ask yourself why the shelter needs to be stationary. For me, a motor-home or large all-terrain vehicle that seats a half dozen would do nicely. Plus when zombies arrive in your neighborhood, there's no last minute scramble to pack and leave. Just put it in, drive and roll! 

Rule 16: Zombies Can't Climb 
Much like you've never seen a zombie eat another zombie, when's the last time you see a zombie climb up a wall? Well, other than the debacle that was the remake of Day of the Dead which had spiderman zombies. Zombies can climb, so find high ground if you do need to stop. 

Rule 17: Be Ruthless 
Much like having no attachments, being ruthless is the key. When your bride turns into the undead, reach for the lid of the toilet seat and be ruthless. The weak and compassionate won't survive in the world of the undead. 

Rule 18: God Bless Rednecks 
Rednecks are loud, brash, well-armed, ready to kick ass now, and ask questions later. So when a redneck shows up in your group half-drunk and rumbling louder than your Humvee, welcome him. Sure, rednecks can attract zombies but they're also well-armed and kill a whole lot of 'em when they do come for dinner. Best of all, they're a good bait for you to make your exit while he's making a mess of the zombies and before he realizes, he has run out of bullets and does the happy meal groan. 

Rule 19: No Drinking 
This one should be pretty plain obvious. Escaping zombies is tough enough as it is. How well do you think you will do after downing a couple of shots of Jack Daniels? Drinking isn't a good survival tactic. 

Rule 20: Check the Backseat 
I can't tell you how many times somebody has eaten it or in this case been eaten because they're just not smart enough to check the backseat. Always check the backseat, friends. Always! 

Rule 21: Enjoy the Little Things 
It's the end of the world. Don't sweat the small stuff. Loot a neighborhood or two, trash a car, speed! Do the little things and enjoy 'em. Who knows how long you've to live!

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